I was caught off guard this morning when I read Ben Huberman’s word prompt for the day — Sanctuary. If he’s referring to a place of refuge, it occurred to me all of a sudden I don’t feel like I have one.
I’m becoming more and more aware of how necessary time alone should have been for me when I was raising a family. I mistakenly thought there would be room for that serious “sanctuary time” after the kids grew up and before Drollery retired. Time to do some of the things I wanted without having someone peering curiously over my shoulder constantly asking, “What ya doin’?” or demanding my attention. How foolish I was to put off taking care of myself that way. At the time it just seemed like one more thing on my “to do” list.
I know better now. I needed to find a Sanctuary where I could regroup and heal from life’s everyday challenges, but I didn’t. And I’m guessing that’s one reason I feel like I’m running on empty so much of the time now.
There’s a PART of me (granted, a very small part of me 
) that wishes I could have some time to learn to live by myself. I’d like to know what it feels like to be able to tape notes of affirmations up all over, or read back my writing aloud without people thinking I’ve gone round the bend one too many times. I’d love to be able to leave the dishes go till I have to consider going to buy paper plates and cups, or not do the laundry till I’ve worn the same jeans and t-shirts three days in a row without having to worry that someone will be upset because I’m in slob mode.
That’s what a Sanctuary would be for me, a place to be responsibly irresponsible. A place to go where I could spend time just being who I am without all the social frills. To not have to be politically correct all the time or always worrying about being on my best behavior. Where I wouldn’t feel selfish worrying about me for awhile instead of other people always coming first.
I know it’s not going to happen here. Even after I gutted Bran’s old bedroom and filled it with books, beachy stuff, cd’s, mementoes, and my desk, it never became the Sanctuary I had intended it to be for the simple reason that as long as I’m home the others who live here are always going to come first. I guess I’m just put together that way.
In looking back over the years though, and ahead to the not too distant future when his lordship will be retiring, I’m beginning to feel more and more the need to find a Sanctuary to escape to when I’m feeling overwhelmed or maybe even on a more regular basis. Makes me wonder if Sanctuary is just a fancy word for hideout! And in some ways it kind of makes me sad I feel the need to hideout from my family…
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The Daily Prompt: Sanctuary
Picture Credits:
Sanctuary — http://www.blurb.com/
Hideout — hideoutapp.com
Impromptu Promptlings 
Having a sanctuary or a hide-out is not selfish. It’s as necessary as breathing – it’s how we recharge ourselves, a private time of nurturing or being responsibly irresponsible.
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Boy! Being “responsibly irresponsible” seems to have been a big hit! LOL
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Hell yeah!! I’ve spent the best part of the last week in my pj’s. My excuse is I got the winter wog, and it’s bitterly cold outside.
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Pingback: Has blogging affected your reading habits? | Impromptu Promptlings
No, it’s not a bad thing at all. I’d say it was a calling. 😀
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You mean I have a calling besides housework??? Imagine that… Probably explains why I’m a horrid cook. THAT’S NOT my calling. I’m relieved. LOL
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As you know, I’ve created my sanctuary and I love it. This winter has been cold, however, and the sanctuary is hard to heat. As a result I’ve taken over the dining room table. I think the only reason I’ve been able to do this (apart from living with a bloke who likes his quiet time almost as much as I) is, having had a physical space to write for six months, I’ve finally created the head space I need to write. I’m better at filtering out the news when my bloke turns on the radio, and I’m gentle and firm when he asks if he can interrupt (we had to work on this bit). He accepts my ‘No,’ because he realises I’m that awesome place known as the ‘zone’ and I’ll listen to him when I’ve come away from there. This meant working on myself, including the long hard slog of asking myself several times a day, ‘What are my needs?’ and telling myself I am allowed to have needs and assert them. For all that, though, I am looking forward to spring, returning to my sanctuary and shutting the door behind me. Why? Because I need to honour myself by having both the physical and mental space to work. We ALL deserve that inner and outer space.
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Janet, you are my hero! I know I need to do just that! it dawned on me as I read your comment I wonder if I’m afraid to because I won’t have any excuses to not write then…
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Yes, that’s exactly what I fought for so long. I’ve since learned, as I often read and heard down the years, that it’s actually harder to not write than it is to write. That doesn’t mean writing is easy but it is a lot easier than the frustration, guilt and regret that surrounds not using the creative gifts we were given. Thanks, by the way for calling me a hero but I’m not. I just got there a little ahead of you and believe me I had a lot of women show me the way. 😉
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Well, I sure agree with that. If I’m not writing something down somewhere I’m having trouble breathing. It’s almost an addiction… I guess that’s not a bad thing?
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Don’t feel guilty about the time and space you need for yourself. It’s a balm, and it makes you a better person when you ARE with your family.
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I know you’re right, Jay. I keep forgetting that… 😦
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Great post. Exactly like what I’m feeling. My husband is the type who likes me to adulate him and help him do things though I have my own things to do. But I always oblige because I’m, like you, ‘I’m just put together like that’.
Read my posts of my ‘desperation’.
https://edenofknowledge.wordpress.com/2016/07/
https://edenofknowledge.wordpress.com/2016/06/
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Thanks for stopping by and commenting. Will be around or a visit. 🙂
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I know what you mean, Lady C. Fortunately, my husband and I (both retired) have developed a bit of a balance – he’s a night owl and stays up all night; I get up early in the morning. So he has the house to himself while I am sleeping and I get the mornings to myself and then we get play all afternoon. 🙂 It works out well most of the time. And hey, most of the time is a wonderful chunk of time I think.
I love your line about being responsibly irresponsible! You should – hey I should too – try doing at least one responsibly irresponsible act each day. That would be fun!
BTW, I have been away most of the week on an unplugged cross country road trip with my daughter so I am behind on my reading. I will catch up but it may take me a while. I am sure I will see you soon here, dear friend.
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I hope you had a great time on your trip! Don’t fret about catching up. Life’s too short to backtrack! 😀
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Whether you call it sanctuary or hideout…we all need it. I think as women and moms we’re conditioned to think we’re not suppose to want or need that..and if we feel that way, made to feel guilty… At least that how I remember feeling…my ex flat out told me I was selfish for wanting and needing some alone time……….my sanctuary now..it’s within,,it’s my soul strolls on the beach..it’s sitting in my corner……..me thinks you need to give yourself permission retreat…to take sanctuary or hide…to just be ❤️
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I know. It’s the WHERE I’m always struggling with.
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I sometimes look back on my time with the kids and wonder how much I was trying to find sanctuary from them, rather than with them. So can relate to your last sentiment. Something we did enjoy was reading together and now I find sanctuary in a good fantasy book. A hideout from the harsh realities of life to some magical place? My other sanctuary is the garden and observing the insects and birds within it. Strangely, I don’t feel that I’ve lost my sanctuary when others are with me in it. It is like shared sanctuary. Hope I can provide that in the future.
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You know, I used to be able to find my sanctuary (at least a great deal of it) in books. Lately I can’t even work up the enthusiasm to read. I’m trying to read an OLD favorite at the moment that I’ve loved forever and read a dozen or more time. My attention span is just shot. I’m wondering if it’s from blogging so much.
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I’m finding I can’t keep my attention in my book either….I used to read 3-4 books a month…..but the last few years it’s dwindled.
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That’s possible. Media saturation could be part of the plight. I didn’t read for a long time either. I was surprised how long it took me to get back into it since leaving my job. Wonder why?
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That kind of makes sense what you said about media saturation. Maybe reading is like any other commodity. When books were a big scarcer, had to go to a bookstore to get them (for example), words were at a premium in my mind. Now there are books everywhere you turn, even on the computer. And not all of them good! But the market has been glutted, and as with any other thing you can buy, once there’s too many or too much of something the price drops. Maybe it works the same way. Maybe we begin to devalue the written word? Maybe we can only take it in short pieces now.
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