Free-fall
sad — don’t know where
i belong these days.
on the other side of the hill,
nothing looks familiar.
doesn’t matter anyhow;
I’m rolling down so fast
there’s not time to even
stop and smell the roses.
no, not ROLLING down the hill.
the funny sayings are all lies.
you don’t ROLL down the
other side of the damn hill.
it’s a hell of a lot more like
free-fall with no parachute.
Impromptu Promptlings 
As i read this I thought how my father used to always say “it isn’t the drop that hurts but the sudden stop that can kill you” Hoping you are feeling better soon
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Yep, that’s what I’m afraid of! Of course I could just bounce. It remains to be seen. Grin.
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It reminds me of when I used to feel like I was going to crumble into a million pieces.
Meanwhile, that was yesterday. How is today. Does time make a difference?
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You know, I slept for two hours after you called, got up and went to see Greg again, came home and zonked almost immediately. Today is no better. Maybe I’m coming down with something. I was STILL worn out when I got up this morning and have been in the car running around since 10:00. Got home about 4:00. Now I have a boat load of groceries (as in Noah’s kind) to put away since I was buying stuff for the cabin this weekend, too. I am looking forward to going, though. I don’t sleep up there, but Mark and Amy are coming up Saturday morning early. Mark’s gonna help HL and the boys take a tree down that’s fallen on the roof. Hope it didn’t do a lot of damage.
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Oh gosh, you really need to get rest. I’m worried about you. Maybe the weekend will be a bit of a lull? When you said you don’t sleep up there, did you mean, it’s worse than it’s been lately? 😦
I hope the roof is okay.
{{{{Calen}}}}
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Won’t know about the roof till we get up there. It needs replacing. We were just hoping it didn’t have to be this soon. Going to put a tin one on it. I just never sleep when we’re up there. Can’t get comfortable, it’s too quiet, I’m a big baby, if anyone snores (like HL) it reverberates through the whole cabin, and the biggie, no running water — outhouse which gets pretty chilly at 1, 3, and 5 in the morning… (If you get my drift…) I usually end up taking a xanax to get to sleep. So by the time we’ve spent two days there, I’m a wreck. I hope the sore throat is gone before we go up.
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I like this, but it’s sad, and maybe a little bit angry?
Remember the days when you looked at old people – anyone over thirty – and just KNEW that they’d never been young. Turns out they probably had.
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I didn’t THINK it was angry when I read your comment this morning, so I waited and thought on it while I was out buying groceries. Yes, I think you’re right. I was angry at the end. And scared of that sudden stop. Very perceptive, dear heart. {{{Jane}}}
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It’s hard not to feel angry sometimes about the limitations that ageing brings with it. But I find there are benefits too – wisdom, understanding, even patience.
I miss cartwheeling though
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That’s the first time I’ve laughed in the last 24 hours! I miss being able to sit with my leg up beneath me. It always kept my back straighter. I was actually thinking about a lot of things besides aging. Like technology. Firefox changed it browser and I can’t find where they put things. I was so frustrated last night I was sitting here crying about the bloomin’ computer. I really think I’m coming down with something. Have a sore throat today…
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I hope you feel better tomorrow girlfriend. Donna from “Homemade Naturally” says that a combination of ginger and honey is soothing for a sore throat.
I just switched from Firefox to chrome because that’s what’s on my new (used) laptop. Now I’m glad I didn’t bother to get Firefox, not that I like Google Chrome. but I’m used to it now…
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Oh! You were laughing about the cartwheeling! I really do miss cartwheeling more than anything, except rolling down hills. and playing a game we used to call ‘Robin Hood an Little John. Two people stand at opposite ends of a five-bar gate, and approach each other. Then they each try to knock the other one off. You can use pillows if your a bit soft, but it’s better just to shove each other. Falling off the gate is almost as much fun as winning, but it can hurt! I used to play it with my son Paul, but not for the last six or seven years.
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Good thing you’ve stopped. Don’t want to be breaking anything important like your bloomin’ neck, girlfriend! 🙂
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The last time Paul and I played it I nearly did break my neck! He sent me flying and I landed on an old tree stump. It hurt me and it scared him, but it was the funniest tumble ever. We were laughing so much we both fell off the gate when we tried another round.
This probably makes me sound like a very strange mum, but you’re only truly alive when you’re standing on a gate, trying to knock your opponent off it, or cartwheeling, or rolling down hills. Roller-coasters are fun, but they’re not the real thing.
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I think you are just a kid at heart. Perhaps that’s what gives you to ability to hang in there with your kids and other folks you come in contact with and help. Children don’t know that things are impossible. They don’t have that kind of belief system yet so they just forge ahead. That’s important in what you’re trying to do.
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What? What things are impossible? Nobody told me!
It’s funny you should say that. I know a lot of adults who say “I’m not gonna grow up. I’m gonna be a kid forever?” I get really irritated, because they’re usually hanging around getting drunk, which is not what children do. What they mean is that they don’t want to be responsible people.
I tell them that I am grown up, but I can still climb trees, and they look at me oddly. There’s something wrong there.
I miss running through the fields in my vest and knickers, but there’s a time for everything.
You’re so right about me. So many times I have seen that some things can’t be put right, and yet on an some level I don’t believe it. The first time I had a close encounter with the death of a young person, I spent the first couple of weeks afterwards trying to figure out a way for it not to have happened, and panicking because time was passing, and soon it would be too late to go back in time. But I suppose that’s just denial.
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Honey, I don’t know about it being denial, but my guess is that’s where your gift of wanting to help others was born. So to heck with what anyone else says. God, the universe, or whatever gave you that gift of compassion to use, so use it with all you got. You’re right about the growing up. It’s just that people don’t want to be responsible. I used to think about that a lot when older girls would come into the Crisis Pregnancy Center to see if they were pregnant before they went for an abortion. I’d think, what’s the matter with you?! You want to screw around, go ahead! But be responsible enough to use something so you don’t get pregnant. I worked there two years and I NEVER came to terms with their mindsets. They just wanted to be free without any consequences. Unfortunately, life comes with consequences whether we like it or not!
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What were you doing in a place like that? although I recognize the need for it (my mother was orphaned when she was still a toddler, as the result of my grandmother’s backstreet abortion) I think if I had worked in the Crisis Pregnancy Center I would probably become an ax murderer within a fortnight! Except that it would have made me responsible for a load of suffocated fetuses.
Apart from anything else, it’s strange to think that they considered Abortion the easy option. Contraception is completely painless.
But then with each abortion the risk of further pregnancy decreases.
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It was all about having the right to do what they wanted with their bodies. They wanted to be in control of their own lives. On so many occasions I wanted to scream at them: Really? When you’re laying there with your feet up in the stirrups and some damn male doctor is sucking life out of you, you think YOU’RE in control? Foolish, foolish woman!
And you’re right about the possibilities of getting pregnant deceasing. I saw more than my fair share of women come back to the center to sign up for grief classes because a) they’d just found out that very thing after the third abortion, or b) they really had no bloomin’ clue what having an abortion was going to do to them emotionally. I was really glad when Utah made it mandatory for doctors to show an abortion film to girls before the procedure. I don’t know if that’s still the case.
I was a counselor. I registered them, did a pregnancy test, talked with them to determine where their head was (if I could). We also provided Shepherding Homes for girls that didn’t want to abort their baby but had gotten kicked out of the house. I got baptized by fire. My very first client was a 16-year-old who didn’t want an abortion. Her parents were very supportive. So I stayed in touch with her. Got a call one night saying she’d been picked up and sent to juvie for smoking. During the night she was in horrible pain and they left her there till the next morning when they finally called the doc. At the hospital an ultrasound showed the baby was sitting on her kidney. They had to do a c-section. It was really emotional going through those times when I wasn’t able to conceive myself. But I’m glad I had the experiences I did.
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Hmm. An interesting choice of career under the circumstances. I bet you did a really good job anyway. I expect the women felt really supported. People need support, particularly if they are walking into something they don’t understand – not encouragement, just support.
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That was nice. It is rich with imagery and meaning
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I must be doing something wrong. It sure didn’t feel nice when I wrote it… 😦
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But you felt. Your words felt congruent with the emotion
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I had to look that word up… Ok, I’ll give ya that one. I guess they were congruent. (Be nice to me now. I’m catching up on these while those groceries are sitting all over the kitchen! I just had to sit down for a minute. 🙂 )
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Touching. True. Brave. Hugs.
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I will be back around COD as soon as I get my damn head in the right place again, Laur. Thanks for being so patient. Hugs.
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I dunno, I think it’s catching! You are about the 5th BC to tell me that these days. Kind of sorry that folks feel they need to be “up” for it, vs. COD being a solace. But it is what it is, and ‘m doing fine, really. We’ll look forward to your thoughts when you are ready. xoxoxo
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Maybe it’s just the time of the year? You know how we all have a tendency to bust our buns to make everyone happy. You’re one of the unfortunate lovelies we take for granted because we know you’ll always be there (mostly!). But you are NOT unappreciated! Hugs, hugs, and more hugs! Love you, girl!
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Grab my hand GF. My chute is big enough for both of us! Luv Ya!
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You always got my back, don’t you sweet Angel. Hugs.
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