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blogging101, Creative Writing, Family, Journaling, Memories & Reflections, Needs vs. Wants, Writing 101
I’ve struggled my whole life to know the difference between “wants” and “needs”. Three financial setbacks have left us playing “Rob-from-Peter-to-pay-Paul” for so long that out of necessity I think I’ve gotten used to shoving everything into the “want” category — whether it is or isn’t. But finally at 64 I’m beginning to question the wisdom of always dong that.
Sometimes I’ve put purchases off thinking, “I CAN get by with that a little longer if I have to.” Like my glasses. Seven years old and the tint is flaking off. Can I still see through them? Yeah, but it’s like looking through a cloud of frog fuzz, as my dad used to say. I have long since given up trying to read the titles on the books on the bottom shelves at Barnes & Noble. But they’re still usable. Right?
I reckon the problem is I was born on the cusp of the disposable “ME” generation that wants everything it sees (and right this second to boot!) and the depression generation that believes if it isn’t broken it’s good enough (like not trading up on new phones); or if it can be fixed, don’t throw it away. Our house is full of “fixed” things.
In fact, Lord Drollery surprised the heck out of me yesterday with a FOURTH fix on a chair. It’s a wing back. Very Victorian. You can’t find them any more unless you buy an antique (though I suspect that style will come back around in due time, it always does). Three times we’ve had the springs in the seat replaced on that sucker. I was under the impression that a new chair was now out of the “want” column and into the “needs.” So out we went and bought one which was delivered Saturday.
I hate it. It doesn’t fit the decor. It’s huge and boxy, takes up way too much room. The only redeeming thing about it is it was cheap! (I know, I know. You get what you pay for. Especially with furniture, appliances, and shoes… 
) Then I noticed yesterday the broken chair was missing. Much to my surprise his lordship informed me last night he’d taken it to be fixed AGAIN. Not just the springs this time, but he’s having it recovered. He picked out the fabric himself. Says we’ll have a whole new chair. (I can’t even get my head around what it’s costing us!) So WHY did we go buy a new one? Obviously HE doesn’t have things divided up in columns in his head like I do.
So last night I was pondering on which of the items on that list WERE actually “needs” not “wants”, things that would improve our quality of life or at least give us a little bit of enjoyment. My glasses for sure! And I’m toying with the idea of getting TWO pair just for the heck of it! A CD player for the car (this one took care of itself when our 17-year-old Sable died a couple months ago and we had to buy a newer one — I think his lordship is afraid one of these days I’ll get in the car with my CD’s and not come back! Tempting!). Central air conditioning. I’m SO bloomin’ sick of having to dust every other day. The evaporative cooler on our roof sucks in EVERYTHING, and since Bran has asthma, it’s always been a health concern. At 64 these things are now “iffy” in my mind.
After all that pondering, I decided the true “wants” are seldom things that cost a lot. And truthfully I’m beginning to question why I never allow myself the joy of having some of these things. An example? In 2006 when our daughter got married we moved our bedroom from our spider-ridden basement bedroom (which is the only reason I could make the transition from killing them to the more Zen attitude of “catch and release“) to Stef’s room upstairs. When we redecorated it I bought this lovely, tall basket in the shape of an urn (waited months for it to go on sale for half price at JoAnn’s) to put seasonal flowers in. The bedroom is very Zen, too.
Thing is, I’ve only ever bought Autumn and Spring silk flowers because every time I’ve thought about Summer or Winter (wanted little twinkly lights in them) I’ve been in a place financially where they got shoved into that “wants” column. Well enough is enough! If we can recover and refit a 25-year-old chair, I can buy myself some silk flowers. After all, I’m NOT getting any younger.
I think I really did this post to help convince myself it truly IS ok to go buy some Summer flowers. Especially now when they’re probably all on clearance any way. But just out of idle curiosity, is there anything on YOUR want list that you’ve been putting off getting, even though it’s something that might not cost an arm and a leg? If so, share it with us, just for kicks!
Impromptu Promptlings 
Like you, I’m on that cusp. My parents lived though WWII in England, and the rationing that followed, so they’re very much of the “make do and mend” generation. I’ve been fortunate enough to have fewer financial worries than them, but I still find it difficult to spend money on some things – why have an expensive phone when I can make calls with a cheap one? Why do I need a new TV – the old one’s still working?
My children, on the other hand…..
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I hear you. Fortunately for us, our kids haven’t played that game very much. We went out of our way to make sure they understood what being without really looks like. They each spent a couple summers working at an orphanage in Imuris, Mexico (Casa de Elizabeth). They were changed when they came home. Also from the time they started junior high school our family took over cleaning Lord Drollery’s offices for the summer to have money for school clothes in the fall. We all worked, but the two kids got the money. They learned they could either have one pair of designer jeans or three pairs of Penney’s plain pockets. They had to learn to choose carefully. I always feel like we screwed up a lot as parents, but sometimes we did ok. They both turned out to be pretty good people. 🙂
As for you and I, I don’t figure we lost out on anything by being the way we are. Maybe we even know some things other people don’t?
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Yes, I appreciate that my parents sacrificed things for me. I inherited my father’s work ethic, and I hope I’ve passed that on to my boys. My elder son is now living in a flat on his own, and appreciating the cost of things. Interestingly he’s always been quite frugal in some ways, but appreciates “nice” things so has developed a good attitude to saving for what you want. But we’re fortunate to be able to afford to spoil them both from time to time.
Sounds like in our different ways we’ve managed to get the message across – you children’s experience in the orphanage must have been quite something.
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That saving for what you want is one of the most important things, isn’t it… I’m not sure Lord Drollery and I even have that one down pat! 😦 But we’re getting ready to retire, so lots of things are changing. I’m glad you find yourselves in a good position. It’s important as we get older. Some of us learn that all too late.
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“I reckon the problem is I was born on the cusp of the disposable “ME” generation that wants everything it sees (and right this second to boot!) and the depression generation that believes if it isn’t broken it’s good enough (like not trading up on new phones); or if it can be fixed, don’t throw it away.”
You have hit the nail right on the head with this statement, Calen. This describes me perfectly, as well. It is only recently that I have decided that since I most likely only have 20 to 30 years left that I need to reassess my spending and think about what things I really could afford that would make life better for me and those around me. I say go for the seasonal flowers! A small expense and it will make you happy…If it is what you chose to talk about, it makes sense that this is true. (And sell the ugly chair! Life is too short to live with things we hate.) Bossy bossy. I reckon the problem is I was born on the cusp of the disposable “ME” generation that wants everything it sees (and right this second to boot!) and the depression generation that believes if it isn’t broken it’s good enough (like not trading up on new phones); or if it can be fixed, don’t throw it away.
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(Oops…didn’t mean to repeat the quote. I hit the paste keys again by mistake.)
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I do that all the time. LOL Or I think I copied something only to find out I didn’t and I end pasting something in from ten posts ago. I am going to get those gull dern flowers! You know it just takes such little changes to freshen things up. I’m sure you know that well as you’re very artistic. Even just rearranging one piece of furniture can give a room a new feel. When it takes so little to stimulate the senses and imagination, why is it we have such a hard time allowing ourselves those little pleasures??? 😦
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Well, you already explained why very well. We were on the cusp of the depression. but we are so much more that that. A plethora of cusps. Publish a pic of your new flowers.
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Jim and I talk about this a lot……my needs list is minimal at best…right now the biggie is I need a hair cut….I’m getting shaggy…lol. I have a want/wish list a mile long, and when I win the lottery I’ll have it all……in the meantime, I play on Pinterest…..it satisfies the want-need…
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I laughed right out loud when I read that. Pinterest also works for me. It keeps track of what I want and sure enough when I go back to look at it later it doesn’t seem so necessary any more! Works well, eh? (Except for jewelry… I have a soft spot in my heart for rings,. :D)
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The biggest needs for this house are a mail box – since the one we have not is falling apart: the little door lost a screw, and hangs off if it isn’t closed properly. We definitely will need to replace our refrigerator probably sooner than later, with the sounds this old one here makes. We’re getting along just fine without the dishwasher, as we don’t use much when eating. It’s just the two of us. Not even going to mention the NEED medically.
My wants are always changing. Right now, I want more oracle decks. I want a chauffeured limo to take us places since I’m the only driver. I want – or maybe even need to move down to Texas.
Great post, and thought provoking!!! 🙂
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Texas? Really? You want to go back there, eh? We just got a new mailbox. Ours was fallin’ apart from some kids playing mailbox baseball awhile ago. I’d love to see them hit the sucker we put in there this time with a baseball bat. It’d break their bloomin’ arms!
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I don’t think I have a “need” list. My needs are pretty much covered. I think my list is more of the “Want” kind. I just got a new pair of glasses three weeks ago that maybe would have been on my “Need” list. So to the “Want” list? Where oh where do I start? I hear you on the rob Peter to pay Paul GF. I’ll be doing that for the next 9 months due to the dumb HOA in Oregon. 😦
Go get those summer flowers and get some winter ones too!
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😀 You’re a great friend! The kind that would end up in the cell next to me if we got in trouble, aren’t you… 🙂 {{{Colls}}}
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Of course! My glasses really need changing (though reading your post made me feel a lot better about that) and I could list lots of home improvements but the main thing I’d love is a camera and lens that gave me more control over depth of field.
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See that’s one of those things that get stuck in the “twilight zone” for me. If you use the camera lot and they would be helpful and enjoyable, I’d say (being 64 now, mind you!) put them in the NEED column! You only get a chance to take some pictures once. ❤
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It’s very tempting to say NEED but my phone’s camera is pretty good, so truthfully…
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When I was in college and working a retail job, I use to love people who came in and would say, “I need…..” because 95% of what we sold was “want” stuff.
I try to remember that when I go shopping.
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That’s the way I’ve always been, too. Don’t go shopping without a list and when it’s done, it’s done. I NEVER window shop. My sister got that gene! 😀
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A new carpet for our Hall and Stairs, tried to buy one three years ago but other bills came up that had to be paid. I am hoping by Christmas I might have the new Carpet, trouble is our Hall is not only wide but rather long and the stairs, well I have to stop halfway going up that gives you an idea.
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Anna, your house sounds HUGE! How do you take care of it all by yourself? Does your sister help at ALL???
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Simple answer NO, my youngest did ask her when I got diagnosed with Heart Failure to hoover the hall each day, she was not happy to be asked but does it to a fashion lots of chipped paintwork now!! She will not do the Stairs I hoover them. Yes it is large and the rooms are rather large too then you have the gardens, its always been me that does it all. My Sister had a special name for me one Christmas night when they were going to bed and my Mother decided it was the right time to start a row, My Sister told me (apologies in advance for language) “you are here to clean our s..t and that’s all you are were ever here for” good Catholics!!!! I really made a complete mess of my life.
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Oh Anna, dear, I think your mum set that thing in motion! You didn’t have much say in the matter!
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