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This is one of those prompts I hate to answer because I know everything I’m going to say is just gonna sound lame. But I’ll give it a shot. What’s holding me back?

gold fish in bowl

Lack of transportation — I would very much like to have some kind of volunteer job where I could work with the aging. I’ve even thought about working with hospice.

(Side note: I have NO trouble VOLUNTEERING for something because you can’t get sacked if you suck at what you do! You might get a “Please don’t come back,” but I can deal with that. I’m one of those people who tends to think someone is doing ME a favor by giving me a job. It would never occur to me that I might actually be doing THEM a favor by going to work for them. o_O )

At any rate, I do love working with older folks. There’s just something about seeing them light up when you listen to their stories or let them tell you what their “social schedule” was like this week (read that as meaning doctor visits) that makes my heart feel like I’ve really DONE something. They just want someone to take an interest in them. And on a whole, they’re a pretty interesting lot. They don’t want to be forgotten.

Unfortunately, if one is going to commit to some kind of steady job, paid or otherwise, one must have the transportation to get there. Therein lies my problem. We’re short a vehicle. That might not be an issue if there were a bus route close to our house, but as it is I would have to hike up to the highway (more than a mile) to catch the silly thing that would never be on time anyway. When I need to keep the car Lord Drollery has to drive our truck with the iffy breaks. That’s a bad idea, especially in the winter. Something to do with the ABS?

Money — now THIS would be the second obvious thing that holds me back. To be perfectly blunt, since the company Drollery worked for over 35 years was sold and he had to find another job that paid no where near what he was making, we barely have a pot to, well you know, around here. Truthfully it’s almost wiser to stay home because then, at least, I know I won’t be spending money we don’t have.

Personality issues — I’m just not very adventurous. The idea of finally getting to go to Ireland in 2017 thrills me to death, but scares the crud out of me at the same time. You have to have a certain personality to be a world traveler. I don’t have it!

General Anxiety Issues — I’m bloomin’ full of ’em. Don’t even have enough to time list them all. Take my word for it. Free floating anxiety is a bitch to live with and keeps you from stepping out into the world.

Self-confidence — This is probably the biggest problem that keeps me from doing many things I might like to do. If I’m off working on my own, not having to be scrutinized by other people, I’m great. There are many things I do very well. But I’m not one of those people who deals well with being compared to others for the simple reason that I KNOW I’ll never measure up. My key chain I carry says Not born Barbie; trying to cope anyway! It could just as easily say Not born Julia Child; trying to cook anyway. Or how about Not born Dr. Phil; trying to hand out life advice anyway!

Those are the five main problems that keep me from having what others would say is a fuller life. Maybe so, but two of those things are out of my control. The other three, well I try to work on them from time to time, but the plain fact of the matter is I don’t know how to fix them. All I can do is keep trying. And if something comes along I really want to do, I have a big choice to make then, don’t I?

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In response to The Sandbox Writing Challenge 6 — What’s holding you back?

(Picture Credits: www.realsuccess.net)