we used to make each other smile inside
i’d look up unexpectedly
and find your eyes on me
and i swear my heart
would quiver with even
so brief a contact,
a simple touch from you
eased my anxious thoughts,
saturated my day sunshine
i used to be able to make you laugh
to charm you from your grumpy moods
to take your hand and lead you
from your single-minded point of view
to open your heart and mind to new vistas
where we could grow — together
it’s been a long time since we’ve made
each other smile like that inside
my anxieties have piled up in heart corners
like garbage that needs to be taken out
your moods have become more disposition
than emotions that come and go
there is no fun now — or very little
only fear and fretfulness
over an uncertain financial fate…
i’m beginning to suspect that
by the time that future arrives
we will no longer be who we were
when we made each other smile inside,
that we will stand gaping at each other
like strangers who have nothing in common
and very little interest in
getting to know one another again
and maybe i’ll even begin to wonder
if those smiles were ever truly there
or if we both just wanted so much
for it to be that way for us
that we became really adept
at playing make believe
i don’t smile inside much
when we’re together anymore,
i’m just very, very sad
(Picture Credit: buzzpo.com)
All too familiar scenario you posted. I am happy those days are over!
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Thanks, Eliza. Pretty common scenes, aren’t they…
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Geez, I remember reading this, and posting to it, now it’s not here. Must be going senile. It’s a sad reality that years make people grow apart, not closer. Don’t know that there’s anything anyone can do. *sigh*
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Haven’t seen it, toots. Were you sleep typing again?
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Sad post, very true. Have to take time to reconnect and fine a common thread along the way…I wish you the very best for you upcoming weekend.
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Thanks. It’ll be good. It’s all on a wheel, it all comes around again and again and again…
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It’s sad, but perhaps it’s almost inevitable when you have been with someone for so many years, and there is the comfort of familiarity -none of those scary butterflies in the stomach! We remember the good bits, but forget the rest.
I often think myself lucky to have loved and lost so long ago. I have no expectations, and when I go to sleep, I have my dreams – even now, nearly 40 years on – and I wake up happier for having seen his face again.
The other night I dreamed that he met Paul, and without thinking, Paul exclaimed “He’s stunning!”
THAT wouldn’t happen!
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Familiarity is one of those scary words. It can be very comforting, but it can also breed contempt. I think when you’ve raised your kids and they’ve left the nest, you MUST take the time to get to know each other again because you truly are NOT the same people you were pre-family. It’s good to remember all the things you love about each other, but over the years your interests change, one of you matures, the other one doesn’t… It’s natural to have empty nest syndrome and have to renegotiate your life together.
But for so many couples these days, there IS no such thing as empty nest because the kids aren’t leaving. Or they’re coming back. WITH THEIR OWN KIDS! It’s all new and unexplored territory in our culture. And we’re stuck right in the middle of it with a 37-year-old child making that exploration damn near impossible. Sometimes the sadness for both of us is overwhelming. He has grown angry and discontent. I’ve grown despairing and just long for a little happiness now and then. We’re going away next weekend, just the two of us. It’s time to have some one-on-one.
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That’s so sad. You wrote a post on the subject some time back, but I didn’t know you well, and since then your writing has been about so many other things that I thought it had been a passing moment.
I didn’t realise Bran was back with you. I hope your weekend helps you and Simon (that is his name, isn’t it?) to re-connect.
Who is he angry with – you or Bran?
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Oh, it’s his lorship I’m referring to. And he’s just angry with the world. Played life by the rules, got shafted three times (in a big way at work), and now he just can’t find any happiness anywhere. Certainly not an uncommon story, is it…
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Meanwhile we tell our children to play fair, and they get beaten up in the playground…
I hope that you find a solution in your lives, at least xx
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When you look back, in my case my Husband being dead, you wonder when did it all start to go wrong and why did I not see it coming, or was it there all the time. It is all very sad. As for Children not leaving Home, I still have my two Sons who say they are very happy to be here, aged 36 and 32, luckily the house is big enough we are not on top of each other, makes me feel younger too, if that is possible?
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It might not be so bad for us if we HAD a bigger house. Man! We’re just fallin’ all over each other all the time. There’s virtually NO privacy. I’m glad you have the boys there to help you with your sister, too.
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Sometimes I think these same things. As retirement looms ever closer, I wonder how we’ll survive it as a couple. But then he’ll do something sweet and romantic. It could be just holding my hand as when I come to bed, or pulling me close to snuggle. But I also need to remember that I need to give this him back these things. It’s not a journey we take alone, but always together.
I hear your sadness and wish I the words to help you through this. Just know I’ll always have your back, you will always have my ear to listen, and my shoulders to lean on when you need it.
Love You!
Colls
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It’s just another part of the path on the journey… ❤
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Such a sad story. I wish I could take this woman by the hand and could tell her that life is too short to be miserable. Sad, very sad.
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🙂
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😦
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Thank God life is never stagnant!
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