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we used to make each other smile inside

i’d look up unexpectedly
and find your eyes on me
and i swear my heart
would quiver with even
so brief a contact,
a simple touch from you
eased my anxious thoughts,
saturated my day sunshine

i used to be able to make you laugh
to charm you from your grumpy moods
to take your hand and lead you
from your single-minded point of view
to open your heart and mind to new vistas
where we could grow — together

it’s been a long time since we’ve made
each other smile like that inside
my anxieties have piled up in heart corners
like garbage that needs to be taken out
your moods have become more disposition
than emotions that come and go

there is no fun now — or very little
only fear and fretfulness
over an uncertain financial fate…
i’m beginning to suspect that
by the time that future arrives
we will no longer be who we were
when we made each other smile inside,
that we will stand gaping at each other
like strangers who have nothing in common
and very little interest in
getting to know one another again

and maybe i’ll even begin to wonder
if those smiles were ever truly there
or if we both just wanted so much
for it to be that way for us
that we became really adept
at playing make believe

i don’t smile inside much
when we’re together anymore,
i’m just very, very sad


(Picture Credit: buzzpo.com)