I’ve been sitting here tonight pondering my time on this blog over the last year plus nearly two months. A year was the goal I set for myself to see if I could even find enough things to write about. 696 posts later ( 😮 ) I’m still here. I suspect a lot of us get on here with the idea of just giving it a shot. We have no idea if we’ll like it or not. And I’d bet a lot of our experiences are the same. Laura over at Hundred and Counting just finished up her goal of 100 days. In her post Impressions After a Journey she noted some things I’ve felt about blogging, too.
Like how blogging has become more important to me than I ever imagined it would. In fact, after journaling every day religiously in a set of journals — The Journey Matters (daily notes), The Saturday Morning Kitchen Khronicles (weekly recaps of family carryings on), and Moodlings (a Morning Pages personal journal ala Julia Cameron) — I have nearly stopped journaling in two of them, keeping only my daily notes up to date. This blog has moved into my life and satisfied the greater part of my need to externalize my thoughts and issues. It has almost become an addiction as Laura observed. And like Laura, I’m very proud of a lot of my blog posts, while a lot of them just sort of fall flat, and some of them are downright stupid! I suspect that’s the nature of the beast.
Unfortunately I’ve begun to realize there are some things that belong in my private journal that can’t be shared on here. Things I need to write about in more depth even than what I’ve written about in The Sandbox Writing Challenges. Things that still feel kind of chaotic in me. And I think I’ve done myself a bit of a disservice by neglecting those daily pages. It’s becoming more obvious to me I’ve made a few changes this year with the help of this blog and this wonderful community of writers. (That’s what you are, you know, writers. Each and every one of you.) It’s apparent I need to go back to writing my more personal thoughts down in Moodlings. It’s time to carve out some time for that again and to remember that chaos isn’t necessarily bad. Or so Friedrich Nietzsche said:
One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.
That I HAVE changed became obvious to me when we put our Christmas tree up last Thursday night. I absolutely treasure the Christmas ornaments my kids and grandkids have made over the years. The oldest ones are from when Bran was just four or five and in the mid-week Explorers class at church. He’s 37 now. The newest ones are from Ethan (5) and Caleb (3). Salt dough hand prints, the kind you have to hang in close to the tree trunk because they’re so heavy. You know, the kind that inevitably crack when you bake them?
Our tree is covered in these memory-laden, hand-made ornaments, and I’ve never wanted it any other way — until last Thursday… Good grief! Talk about nearly blowing a fuse, all I could think of as we were putting that tree up was how I’d like to have a theme tree with green and gold ornaments and gold musical instruments or some such thing. Something I could pour MY creative energy into. Even just the THOUGHT of having a tree like that stopped me dead in my tracks and I wondered where in the world THAT idea had come from!
Well, it came from me. It seems like a silly thing to write a post about, but I use it to illustrate that for the first time I’m asking myself questions about what I (as in moi!) would like to have, to do, to see, to hear, to BE, not just what everyone else wants. Now that’s kind of new to me. New because while I’ve been doing this blog week in, week out, I’ve been learning and growing, discovering even more intriguing facts about myself in the cave of my soul.
Ultimately this blog post serves no purpose other than to point out that a) doing a blog can be a pivotal point in a person’s life, and b) it has been in mine. And to encourage everyone to be observant, to pay attention on your journey here because you never know when a “growth spurt” might just sneak up on you around that next
bend corner post. 😀
(Special thank yous to the “patron saints” who have come into my life to help birth these new changes — Fimnora [Quantum Hermit] and Plato [Plato’s Groove]. I couldn’t have asked for two better birth coaches. You are part of my heart forever. I love you guys.)
And don’t forget to stop by Laura’s place and read her wonderful blog post! I’m sure she’d love your feedback.