The new year isn’t even a week old and I’m struggling with changing the way I’ve always done things. I felt so strongly toward the end of the year that it was time for a change in my regimented life. For years I’ve been faithful to journaling with three journals.
1 — Because the Journey Matters: a daily journal where I’ve kept track of what we did any given day, doctors’ appointments, birthdays, etc.
2 — The Saturday Morning Kitchen Khronicles: a weekly journal where I kept track not only of mine and Drolley’s comings and goings, but the whole family’s as well. It included colored pictures from travel, etc.
3 — Moodlings: a strictly personal journal where I basically took my emotional temperature every morning.
Moodlings was the first journal to fall away last year. Working with the blog made me happy and I found I was not NEEDING to vent in that journal as much. So I stopped being faithful to it the end of 2014.
Khronicles came to a screeching halt last March or so. I’m not sure why except that we always seemed to be gone on Saturday mornings for some reason and no other time felt right to do it! Dumb reason to quit, eh? I could have changed the name to Weekday Mornings Kitchen Khronicle. But it was the whole ritual of working on it on Saturday mornings that was satisfying to my soul. So I stopped that one, too.
I kept up with Journey through the end of 2015, but I was falling behind constantly and having to catch up. That was making me ornery and guilty by turns and had long since stopped being fun.
So here I am at the first of 2016 feeling — after all the work I’ve done in my life this year — that I need a change. And the fact is, it’s scaring the tar right out of me. I’ve been thinking about it since New Year’s Day when I did NONE of them. I kept thinking about the quote by Frederick Douglass for yesterday from the Daily Calm book I bought:
If there is no struggle,
there is no progress.
Something had happened yesterday to make me wonder if I NEEDED to be struggling a little bit more with changes in my life. Then last night we watched the season premiere of Downtown Abbey (HUGE fan!) and Drollery and I talked about the changes Britain was going through just prior to the war and the great depression. And it seemed to be a message to me that there IS no growth without struggle.
Are my journals an addiction? I honestly don’t know. Do they keep me mired in the past and so afraid of the future that I’m having trouble living in the present? Don’t know the answer to that, either. What I DO know is that I have a difficult time staying anchored in the here and now, even though those journals were to help me externalize my feelings and thoughts so I could do just that. Something isn’t working the same way for me any more.
This morning’s quote by Martin Luther King, Jr. seems to be pushing me in that directions as well:
Faith is taking the first step
even when you don’t see
the whole staircase.
So even though I’m way out of my comfort zone not using the journals to lean on, I going to keep my hands off them for the time being at least. If I need to I can always pick up Moodlings and have a go at it. I will miss the Khronicle as is DOES follow my kids and grandkids, too, and I’m just conceited enough to think they might be important to them some day. (rolls eyes…) Journey I have replaced with a small calendar to keep here at my laptop. Gonna try plain old notes!
I feel like it’s kind of ridiculous that I should be so upset by all this, but I am. It will be VERY interesting to see how I handle it all. To that end, if I go AWOL you’ll know I lost it! 😮 Send out the posse!!!
* * * * *
THE DAILY POST Jan 4, 2016
DAILY PROMPT: Happy Endings
Tell us about something you’ve tried to quit. Did you go cold turkey, or for gradual change? Did it stick?
Deepak Chopra — midlifemommusings.com
small changes — liveyourlegend.net