So the Sandbox Writing Challenge 25 prompt for this week is, “What makes you feel vulnerable?”
Vulnerable… I’m feeling vulnerable right now. Why? Because there’s a plumber here doing a WHOLE LONG LIST of things to our house, and there is no way in the world I could clean this place from top to bottom before he got here.
You see I have housework blindness. Try though I do I can’t seem to see undone housework anywhere. Not in my OWN house and certainly not in anyone else’s. But as with other types of “mental issues,” though I’m not on medication for it, I DO have moments of clarity. Usually right before someone comes to visit! Or put in a new window. Or fix the plumbing.
So here I sit today feeling very vulnerable while this lovely young man sees every ounce of dirt in this house! And all I can think about is what kind of reflection is this on me and my housewiferly duties???
Now, you may think I’m joking, but I’m not. And I’m sure I’m not the only person in the world who struggles with that kind of insecurity. But truthfully it feels no different from any other kind of vulnerability. Shall I make a list?
–Being a lousy cook makes me feel vulnerable.
–Standing next to a beautiful woman makes me feel vulnerable. (Heck! Standing next to a gorgeous MAN makes me feel vulnerable! 😮 )
–Being in a roomful of people I don’t know makes me feel vulnerable.
–Oh Lordy! Job interviews!
–Not understanding something someone says to me.
–Being really crappy at math (which might also play into my inability to cook –measurements and all that).
–The idea of his lordship getting ready to retire and wondering if we’re going to have any money to live on is a biggie for me.
–More and more driving a car makes me feel vulnerable.
You know how this works. That list could go on and on. But allowing myself to take off all my hats and masks and costumes and just be myself with people is probably the most vulnerable feeling of all. And I can’t do that with everyone. It takes me a while to feel comfortable enough to let my guard down and even BEGIN to shed all those layers I hide behind.
But I’m convinced it’s when people begin to recognize our authenticity that our acquaintances turn into friendships and friendships into deeper relationships. It doesn’t happen all at once. It can take months, years, to divest ourselves of our “body armor.” Our journeys are all different. It’s just something we have to keep working at. And I guess it’s up to each of us to decide if that feeling of vulnerable shivers crawling up the back of our spine and neck is worth it.
I think it is, even though sometimes it scares the beejeebers out of me. If I HADN’T thought it was worth it, I wouldn’t have gotten to know all the wonderful folks here at Word Press!!!