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Lent Photo-A-Day (February 10 – March 27, 2016)

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Day 25 — Focus

unfocused
I know, I know. That picture doesn’t look a THING like the word for the day. In fact, it’s just the opposite. But it DOES resemble my life which feels like it’s always a blur, NEVER in focus.

Focus is one of those “all-or-nothing” things for me. Lord Drollery is kind of like that, too. It can’t be dinner OR a movie, it has to be dinner AND a movie or it’s not a date! So I blame him for teaching me to be this way!!! 😀 Kidding.

I’ve always struggled with focusing. Fact is, I work FAR better under pressure than when I have lots of time to organize and sort. (Plato would say I “overthink” things.) For our women’s retreats every year I put together an entire book with themes, prayers, questions, scripture, songs… And no matter how many weeks before I had planned it out, inevitably I would leave it till the last minute and still be working on it the week of the retreat with just barely enough time to get it printed. (Thank God I worked at a copy shop!)  Drollery could be standing right beside me asking me a question and I’d be so focused and intent I wouldn’t hear him. (I would also forget to make supper, take the laundry out of the dryer, go get groceries, go to bed… Well, you get my drift.) Waiting till the last minute to do things is a BAD habit of mine. But hey, it’s always worked for me. Till now…

The other way lack of focus shows up in my life is not living in the moment (Bridget, I KNOW you’re jumping up and down and clapping to hear me admit that! 😀 ). I’ve often said to Drollery I want my tombstone to say: She was so busy regretting the past and fearing the future that she forgot to live in the moment! He just shakes his head ok to humor me. But that’s as much my MO as well as waiting till the last moment to get things done.

That being said, I’ve been working on it this year. I didn’t make a New Year’s resolution about it because we all KNOW how they turn out. It’s been on my mind a lot, however. 2015 was a year of enlightenment for me. And I can see two things about focusing I need to take seriously. First, if I don’t slow down and focus on the here and now, I’m going to miss my whole bloomin’ life! It will be over before I know it. If you’re over 55 you KNOW how fast that stinkin’ rock rolls down the other side of the hill!

And second, I need to stop, look, and focus daily so I don’t feel that pressure to keep playing catch up. It’s literally giving me gray hairs! And it’s keeping me from seeing things that are really important. Heck! Even fantasy characters know about focus! It’s as Qui-Gon Jinn said to Anakin Skywalker when he was trying to help Anakin sort out what was happening in HIS life:  “Always remember, your focus determines your reality.” Even someone who doesn’t really exist gets it! 😮

2016 is going to be a year of change for me. And I think slowing down and focusing won’t involve adding MORE structure to my life, but probably a little less. A little less busy-ness, a little less jumping through other people’s hoops, even being a little less serious. I have to slow my world down enough this year to be able to pick and chose how I want my life to be. That’s going to be important for us with Drollery retiring next year. It’s about not adding to the pile of pick-up sticks. It’s about making better choices. And it’s about me continuing my journey to individuate that I talked about yesterday. I don’t want to miss it…

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Deciding what NOT to do 
is as important as
deciding what TO do.
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Steve Jobs

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Picture Credit: www.lifehack.org