Day 35 — Fear
This is another word I know inside out. I’m an extremely anxious person. Or as my mom was fond of saying (as she looked over her glasses at me), I am high strung. I always have been. Loud noises make me jump. Being outside alone after dark has been a fear of mine since I was quite young. I struggled with night terror well into my adult life. Staying alone at night!!! (That’s a biggie!) And winding up in a nursing home with muscle spasms in my legs and pushing and pushing the call button and no one coming to help is like my worst nightmare.
A lot of people have asked me if what I’m really afraid of is death. The answer to that is no. My future is secure. When it comes to death it’s the process itself that might cause me to be anxious — IF it bothered me at all. For me fear is more like the day-to-day stuff I don’t know. But I can say without a doubt that “living so much in the future” is a big culprit when it comes to fear in my life.
Part of my on-going inner work from 2015 is to learn to live in the moment. If I can master that principle, I think a LOT of the fear will take care of itself. I can honestly say that being in the Care Ministry at church and visiting my ladies — Eunice, Mona, Patricia, Donna — has helped me come to grips with the realization that even as we age we learn to adjust and take our fears in stride. It’s been a terrific experience for me. But then I suspect that’s why God put it in the pastor’s heart to ask me to be a part of that.
So while I’m still learning to deal with fears and anxieties one a day at a time, I’m also concentrating on the fact that today is all there is, and I need to make it the best day I can.
The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear,
and the oldest and strongest kind of fear
is fear of the unknown.
H. P. Lovecraft
Picture Credit: sleep.lovetoknow.com