Sometimes you just have to face your demons. Death is something I’ve always been afraid of. Not death as in what comes next. No, it’s not death itself, but dying. And more specifically aging and dying.
There’s something about the idea of not being able to take care of myself that absolutely scares the beejeebers out of me. I cringe at the thought of being at someone else’s mercy. It’s also the process of death that scares me. I’m a coward. I HATE pain or anything that has to do with needles. Case in point, you used to have to get a blood test when you were getting married (in the Jurassic age when Drollery and I were young). I passed right out when they took mine!
But then our previous pastor approached me at church one day and asked if I would mind helping her start a Care Ministry in our congregation for those who were housebound, hospitalized, or folks living in retirement communities. She’d noticed that I was really interested in and patient with the seniors at church.
I went with her one afternoon when she made her rounds so I could see what she actually did. It wasn’t hard. It certainly wasn’t anything beyond my capabilities, and yet I was totally UNDECIDED for a couple weeks. I guess I felt a bit threatened and frightened by what I saw because it made me confront that demon that had lived in me for so long.
In the end I agreed to give it a shot. It was a “pilot” program, so to speak. And I was the test case. I threw myself into it whole- heartedly. Being naturally gabby turned out to be a real “gift” for this ministry. 😀 And before long I was enjoying myself immensely. But it wasn’t until some months later I realized the things that had bothered me the most about the getting old part of my fear weren’t bothering me so much anymore.
In these women I saw such amazing faith. Faith that allowed them to take the ups and downs of aging in stride come what may. And before I knew it, I was no longer fretting about that future part of my life.
Being UNDECIDED turned out to be a good thing for me because it gave me the chance to explore and find a passion. And these women are no longer my “ministry”, now they are my friends, my encouragers, and true blessings. And I figure if THEY can get through all their trials with such finesse, then by golly, so can I when the time comes!
Picture Credits: personal — Mona (93), Donna (89), Eunice (103), and Jan (89).