Yesterday was the first day of my year of being 65. Deep inside I know this year is going to be a transitional one for me. My life has been squared away for so long that I could roam around my “cave” and “spelunk” to my heart’s content without it really threatening the roles I play, the hats I wear, all that day-to-day stuff. It’s been fun seeing who I HAVE been and discovering who I MIGHT have been. Even MORE titillating has been envisioning who I might YET become.
But this is going to be an especially pivotal year because it will involve not only changes for me, but for Drollery as well as he winds down to retirement. This is my last chance to decide what I want from my life now — because now is going to be for the rest of my life, however long that is.
All these shards of colorful pottery I’ve found buried in my cave are lying here in front of me now and I need to choose which ones are valuable enough to keep and which ones need to be thrown away. I mean let’s face it. Some things in a person’s life (goals, wishes, dreams) have an expiration date. Once I’ve sorted through them all, THEN I can begin to piece together that new vase, jug, pitcher, whatever that’s going to be me for the next who-knows-how-many years. The trouble is…
A middle period separates the beginning of a transition from its end. Most likely you won’t know when it starts. Phases of change dissolve from one into another almost without notice. They may even overlap for a while. Yet eventually you’ll come to realize you’re in a “between” time. If the change you’re going through is painful and traumatic, this period may seem long, arduous, and depressing…Your feelings may overwhelm you at times, but its just as likely they’ll become dulled and muted. Even if the change is one you’ve looked forward to, you’ll probably experience “in-between” feelings nonetheless, for you must let go of what has been before you can grasp what will be. (Welcoming Change: Discovering Hope in Life’s Transitions, James E. Miller)
Tonight I feel very much like I’m in one of those “in-between” places. I’m no longer young, but I’m not quite old, either. I’m finding outside stressors are having a stronger than normal affect on me. One minute everything is sunny and bright, the next the clouds have rolled in and I’m trying to find somewhere to duck into out of the rain. And SOMETIMES it’s ME that turns into the thunderstorm! I have a feeling this year is going to wear me out. And no doubt my family, too…
My question tonight is, is a year going to be long enough?