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blogging101, Circle of Friends, Creative Writing, Family, Journaling, Reflections, soulgifts -- Telling Tales, Uncategorized, Writing 101, Writing Prompts
Merciful heavens! Raili over at soulgifts — Telling Tales is going to do me in with her Circle of Friends challenges! This week’s subject is:
“…about friendship with the Self. That’s right – your friendship with yourself! Here’s some suggestions you might want to consider to get those creative juices flowing: How do you show yourself that you’re friends? Where in your mud map do you sit? Are you a special friend? Have you ever given yourself a gift? Is there something unique about your friendship with yourself?”
I KNEW I was in trouble with that second question about the mud map as I pictured myself somewhere between a close friend with whom I could be open, but with whom I don’t have enough contact to really deepen the relationship, and an acquaintance on the fringe of my world who is in and out on a regular basis but with whom I usually wouldn’t share much of my life. (My mud map post.) At least that’s the way it was when I started blogging in October 2014.
Things are changing. Slowly, but surely. I’ve never been good at taking care of my own needs. I programmed myself to be there for everyone else. Yes, I programmed me that way. It was a response to the way things were in my family growing up. I was trying to not repeat certain patterns. Trouble was, I went too far in the other direction and became a person who did everything for everyone else and ended up putting myself last.
Blogging, and the affirmation I’ve received from so many of you, has done one important thing for me. It’s opened up my mind to new possibilities, new landscapes for myself. That’s a good thing, mostly. What’s hard about it is that when I try to assert that new part of me that is ready to step up and be my own best friend, folks at home often don’t like the changes I’d like to see happen because sometimes those changes spill over onto their behavior. Like the family of an addict. You can’t just fix the addict. You’ve got to work on the family, too, or things may end up back at square one because that’s most comfortable for the family — even if it’s not the most desirable outcome.
As a result of the great support I’ve gotten here, I am starting to look at what my core needs really are. That inner part of me that has felt abandoned for years is beginning to realize it MIGHT be okay to come out and share herself with me. We’re not friends yet. Well, not GOOD friends, but we’re not just acquaintance anymore either. There is a budding relationship there.
So while I can’t say I’m my own special friend, I can say I’m learning to like me a lot, and I’m looking forward to spending more time in my own company. Does that make sense? Right now WE are working on having “me, myself, and I dates” at least once a week. Even if that means running away for awhile, because how else are we going to get better acquainted if we don’t spend any time together? (I may have to restrict our visits to Starbucks, however!)
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Picture Credits:
Circle of Friends — soulgifts.com.au
Alice — www.discordia.com.au
Not Perfect — www.pinterest.com
Impromptu Promptlings 
An old post, I know, but it resonates with me. Years ago, when I was in business, I was also in the business of denying myself in order to shape me into the perfect businessman. After I got out of business, it took years — years — to get in touch with myself. So I suspect I know where you’re coming from here.
Which raises the question: How has your progress been?
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Hey there, Paul. Nice to see you again! Well, I finished digging in my cave last year and came to some definite conclusions. I did post about it, but will have to look for the post. It was certainly time well spent and I’m in a a place where I can now see my parents as imperfect human beings just like me. it took a LOT of pressure off the way I was treating myself. Looking forward to hearing YOUR story!
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Pingback: Circle of Friends – week 5 nutshell summary – soulgifts – Telling Tales
I hope you fall head over heals (I corrected this to heels and then changed it back) in love with YOU!
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What a lovely thought, Mary. Thank you. ❤
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Reading, and then thinking about what it was all about, I reached a conclusion that the balance of liking myself enough to spend time with and enjoy my own company, mixed with detesting parts of me, but which I can’t really change, is that balance, that yin and yang. In a way, one can’t exist without the other. And certainly, I can’t exist without myself. 🙂
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“And certainly, I can’t exist without myself.:)” A very astute observation, my girl!
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Interesting concept and one I will have to ponder for awhile. I meditate every morning and try to always check in with myself about what is the best course of action for me, but the demands of family, work, and life do not always allow my needs to be first in line. Definitely trying to get the over-giving stuff under control though. Writing really helps clear things for me. I think what I’m doing now is trying to be a person that I respect and admire, at least until my kids have all left the nest. The mothering instinct runs so deep that it’s a constant battle – give the time (or whatever) to myself or to them. Within a couple years my last one will be heading off to college so we’ll see how it goes after that. Thanks for the delicious food for thought!
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I totally hear what you’re saying. When my kids were growing up I was on the move constantly hauling their keisters from one end of the valley to the other WHILE I worked two jobs. Had anyone told me to stop and think about myself and what I needed I probably would have gone to bed and never gotten up!!! “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Ecc. 3:1) I just have to hope that I did things in the right order and now is my time. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I appreciated your thoughts!
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I always find it fascinating reading the trail of comments as well as the post. Often there is so much interesting and additional extras in the comments – like in here. Learning to love ourselves, and forgive ourselves, is often the hardest thing we ever do. It seems so much easier to be kind and caring to others! Why is that ?! Your me dates sound awesome. I so enjoy my alone time too. When TRH was away last week, I loved the peace and quiet. I didn’t really do anything that different to the usual. I enjoyed the peace and quiet, the less cleaning and cooking. From my lens looking out, I like to think I am my own best friend, ‘cos how can I be one to others if I can’t be one to myself first 🙂
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Raili posed an intersting question – I’m not sure I would know how to answer it, but you answered it well 🙂
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Took me forever to write that! Sigh… What does that say about how I feel about myself? That’s what I kept thinking about.
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I think you nee to write a post like the one Raili did for the Sandbox Challenge last week – the Survivor one – just to remind youself how much there is to like about you.
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I think you have Jane, scattered in some of your other posts and through our trail of comments 🙂 Perhaps you could try pulling some of that together and see what you dig up 🙂
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Have I? I’m not sure that any of that is relevant to the question – of how I stand in my relationship with myself today. Today I positively adore myself, and I haven’t felt that way for a long time 🙂 🙂
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Well, that’s a good start! Adoring yourself sounds awesome. Goes with being liberated!
Let’s see if I can do a bit of digging around in my memory of your posts :
you give of yourself unconditionally.
Only a caring and kind person is able to do that. Your posts are full of examples of how you do this.
You nurture yourself with good food
You have a wonderful sense of humour which you can turn on yourself too
You are courageous
You are resilient
You have reserves of energy that most people would give their eye teeth for – to deal with the hard stuff I mean
I could go on …. xxx
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Oh – please do, I’m loving it, and you’re doing all my hard work for me 😀 😀 😀
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You know what? suddenly the Circle of friends post seems easy 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Fan-bloody-tastic!!!
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Fan-bloody-tastic!! If this comes a second time, consider it an accolade 🙂
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Yay! 🙂
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Enjoy those ‘me’ dates!!!
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Sometimes it just amounts to my taking the phone off the hook when Bran is working days. I turn the cell on and tell him and Drollery to call me on that if they need me. Those are WONDERFULLY FREEING DAYS. And I get two of them this week. Tomorrow and Thursday.
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You go girl!!!!! 👊👊👊
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Over the years, I learned to love myself unconditionally, I even like myself… BUT wouldn’t consider myself as being my best friend.
My husband is my best friend and there are (were) a few others, who earned that title. My best friend, who passed away 2 years ago, was special in so many ways. She cried with me and we laughed until we were hurting, she was proud of me and she grabbed my behind and pulled my head out of the sand whenever I was trying to avoid reality.
Best friends push you to the limit and they make you take a break and they know instinctively which one is needed. So, to answer that question. No, you are not your best friend. You are trying to become the woman you long to be.
Once again…sorry for the novel
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Actually I think you make a very good point. Sometimes we’re not even aware of what the best thing is for us. That’s when a “third” opinion comes in handy. I loved your last sentence.
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Though in MY case I guess that’d be a fourth opinion since there are THREE of us in here! LOL (2 Geminis and a Taurus)
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I liked the last sentence too. Funny what sometimes “pours” out of me. I wrote it and started to write a post about it right after that.
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I look forward to reading it!
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There are many kinds of friends – but they’re all important.
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For sure because people are all unique and special.
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