, , , , , , ,

I’m going to make my answer to the Sandbox Writing Challenge this week short and sweet. Roberta Allen wants to know, “What makes you feel whole.”


I’ve been trying to feel “whole” for a very long time. Mostly I feel like I’m lying around in bits and pieces that don’t exactly fit together. To feel whole and integrated, to be one with myself, that’s what I’ve been searching for most of my adult life.

So what makes me feel whole? The long and the short of it is — nothing. I’ve been digging and digging in my “soul cave” thinking eventually I would find and put together all the puzzle pieces that are me and voila!, there would be the one and only REAL me and I would be deliriously happy and content. I’ve been counting on that. But I read a quote by C.S. Lewis over the weekend that spoke to my heart and I think maybe I can finally give up that struggle now.

If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.

I actually shuddered when I read that, as if recognizing a truth I knew down deep in my soul. The answer to my search was right there in my heart all the time.

workshops+puzzle+piecesDoes that mean that I’ll stop playing around with my puzzle pieces and give up trying to see how they fit together? I don’t think so. After all, I STILL want to be the best me I can be while I’m here on this earth living my life.

What it DOES mean is that when I’m overwhelmed with that feeling of hiraeth (a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past; hiraeth is a longing of the soul to come home, to be safe), I’m no longer going to run around like a chicken with my head cut off looking for it. I must come to terms with the fact that it is not here to be found. Maybe then my heart can finally at least be at peace and I can learn to enjoy just being who I am — weirdness and all!. πŸ˜‰



Picture Credits:
I AM —Β www.monarchshores.com
Puzzle Pieces —Β www.mississippi-umc.org
Peace —Β ilovetypography.com