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blogging101, Journaling, Quotes, Reflections, Sandbox Writing Challenge, Uncategorized, Writing 101, Writing Prompts
I’m going to make my answer to the Sandbox Writing Challenge this week short and sweet. Roberta Allen wants to know, “What makes you feel whole.”
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I’ve been trying to feel “whole” for a very long time. Mostly I feel like I’m lying around in bits and pieces that don’t exactly fit together. To feel whole and integrated, to be one with myself, that’s what I’ve been searching for most of my adult life.
So what makes me feel whole? The long and the short of it is — nothing. I’ve been digging and digging in my “soul cave” thinking eventually I would find and put together all the puzzle pieces that are me and voila!, there would be the one and only REAL me and I would be deliriously happy and content. I’ve been counting on that. But I read a quote by C.S. Lewis over the weekend that spoke to my heart and I think maybe I can finally give up that struggle now.
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If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.
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I actually shuddered when I read that, as if recognizing a truth I knew down deep in my soul. The answer to my search was right there in my heart all the time.
Does that mean that I’ll stop playing around with my puzzle pieces and give up trying to see how they fit together? I don’t think so. After all, I STILL want to be the best me I can be while I’m here on this earth living my life.
What it DOES mean is that when I’m overwhelmed with that feeling of hiraeth (a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of your past; hiraeth is a longing of the soul to come home, to be safe), I’m no longer going to run around like a chicken with my head cut off looking for it. I must come to terms with the fact that it is not here to be found. Maybe then my heart can finally at least be at peace and I can learn to enjoy just being who I am — weirdness and all!. 😉
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Picture Credits:
I AM — www.monarchshores.com
Puzzle Pieces — www.mississippi-umc.org
Peace — ilovetypography.com
Impromptu Promptlings 
I really liked this post and the way you articulated it! The CS Lewis quote really spoke to me too. I think you are moving in the right direction. Trust your gut. It won’t let you down. 💜
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Thanks, Shannon. I felt like this was a break through epiphany for me. 🙂
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I think that this is a breakthrough for you! One which also allows us, your readers, to consider these steps for ourselves. I’m kind of there, in a way. It’s hard to explain, but I also know how fleeting the decision is to do this. The very next moment will bring me to another yearning, and the cycle will begin again, only because it’s habitual. Breaking that habit, that’s the key. Just being in the moment, accepting who I am, even if I detest that me, and moving on to the next moment where there will be a world of change.
I loved this post!
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You’re probably right about the back and forth stuff. I guess time will tell, eh?
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Cheryl, we are all damaged in one way or another, some learn to face up to it and cope, others it lays inside us and we drag it all around with us for a lifetime it seems. Then suddenly, I don’t know how or why we start to feel stronger, we discover our real selves, we begin to like ourselves and strength enters us, we have more confidence, but most of all we find PEACE within ourselves, we are whole. What others think, what hurt others cause us maybe via words, rise above it you are better you have the strength. Some people like to offend, force their opinions, but you are stronger than that. Someone I have the utmost respect for once said “the physical scars heal but the mental scars never leave us”, it is so true. You have found yourself, there is just that “little voice telling you that you have not” that will stop. You are a lovely person who has helped me in a way “find myself” . I hope this makes sense.
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I get what you’re saying, Anna. Geez, I watch you carry on and you’re bloomin’ amazing! I’m anticipating your trip to San Francisco with as much excitement as you! You’ve certainly embraced who you are in a huge hug! 🙂 Even if it DID take a while. So take LOTS of pictures!!!
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I wonder how many people feel the way you do? You struggle on bravely in your endless search for healing, and that in itself gives you a more fulfilling life. I used to think I didn’t belong here, but these days it rarely crosses my mind. Laura doesn’t fit comfortably into this world either, but she chose a dangerous and destructive coping strategy, as so many lost souls do. I wish that like you, she would seek, rather than give in to it.
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It’s kind of amazing how NOT alone we are in the search, isn’t it… What would Laura say if you suggested that to her? I hope YOUR convinced by now that you’re right where you’re supposed to be! 😀
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If I said that to Laura she would seem interested for a minute, but them her eyes would go blank. It’s very sad…
I don’t know where I’m supposed to be, but I’m here, so I try to make the best of it. I stopped looking for answers when my life took a wrong turning, thirty-one years ago 🙂
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Was it a wrong turn, Janey, or just a detour?
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To me….your answer is Perfectly you…and the fact that you’ve come to this conclusion, in of its own way, is leading you to your ‘wholeness’.
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Well, maybe it doesn’t matter so much anymore. Maybe the whole point of the journey was just to learn to relax and be whoever those imperfect pieces fit together to make?
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I think so. Throw out all those preconceived notions you’ve had…roll with where it’s taking you….
We all may be doing the same challenge, but that’s where any similarities end………my truth, my wholeness is going to be different than yours is…and that’s the beauty of it. I’m taking away so much from digging and excavating….the emptying and filling, the piecing together…..I know so much of this journey has surprised me…….and we’re not even done yet!!!!!!
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You are such a joy to me in the middle of all these prompts. Have I told you that? ❤
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The danger I have is that I spent a lot of my early life feeling completely fulfilled and sated. I was whole. In later years there was more pressure on me to be someone else (career) and I lost that. As a retiree I thought I could pick it up and do what I wanted and recreate the whole me. That is not so possible as I thought. My writing creates frustrations, my blog creates disunity and aggression in others. Life is not so simple. My actions have repercussions.
But my answer is still the same – if you want to be whole then be true to yourself (even if it upsets others) and fight for your beliefs and ideals in a way that minimises the damage you do to others in doing so. If you stand up passionately for something it will cause a negative reaction that is upsetting from those who do not agree with you but it has to be done. Be true to yourself as compassionately as possible. Find the compromise that enables you to be as whole as you can be without sullying others. But be true to yourself.
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The danger I have is that I spent a lot of my early life feeling completely fulfilled and sated. I was whole. In later years there was more pressure on me to be someone else (career) and I lost that. As a retiree I thought I could pick it up and do what I wanted and recreate the whole me. That is not so possible as I thought. I can so identify with that, Opher. The only difference is I felt like I SHOULD have felt fulfilled when I was raising my family and working, but I never did. So naturally I thought I would have time to sort it all out later — find myself — when the kids were gone. That hasn’t come to pass. There’s been no time as my son and his wife moved in with us and now they are getting a divorce and he’s still with us. But who knows. Perhaps it wouldn’t have made any difference anyway.
I can so sense your frustration. I know you’ve been struggling with what to do or change on your blog. I hope you stick to your guns and continue on with YOUR search. {{{Opher}}}
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A very moving and thought provoking post. I really like the CS Lewis quote, but I’m not sure that’s my experience. I think this is an area where paradox comes into its own, and the answers/truth is just too complex to be fully expressed in a ‘this world’ way. For me there’s something about the openness and expansiveness that can recognise there is no separation between this world and any other, and that consciousness is the aspect of us that can travel that bridge between, and can find its home in both, maybe even needs to find its home in both, because I don’t believe it’s a coincidence that we are here. My wish is to find a way to let that yearning for ‘home’ serve me to bring the essence of that ‘home’ into this world and this life, instead of trying to run away/escape to it as I have in the past…oops, I’ve gone on – hope you can make some sense of this?! Love, Harula xx
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Oh my, Harula! This is quite beautiful and very significant: My wish is to find a way to let that yearning for ‘home’ serve me to bring the essence of that ‘home’ into this world and this life, instead of trying to run away/escape to it as I have in the past. And trying to escape, run away, is a perfect way to explain what I think I have been doing all these years. Wonderful comment!
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And it’s what I’ve done too, so I know what that feels like, and how very frustrating and uncomfortable it can be to feel ‘home’ so close, so tantalizingly tangible…and then realise you’re still here:-) Blessings, H xx
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Such a powerful post. We are longing for heaven, but only find a glimpse of it here. Such and encouraging word.
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Thanks, hon. I loved that quote. I feel like it really centered me somehow.
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I understand that yearning. It is a built-in longing for God and even when you did him you long for more. But this kind of longing has a peace about it. It’s like having an appetite.
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I think that’s probably where C. S. Lewis was going with it, Oneta. 🙂
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Hiraeth – what a beautiful word. Just had a thought flash in. Perhaps the home you are yearning for is right there, in your Soul 🙂
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Possibly. I really liked Jane’s take on it in her post she did for X for the A to Z Challenge: https://promptlings.wordpress.com/2016/04/29/atoz-challenge-xenodochial/
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I’m going now to have a read. Thanks 🙂
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Ah yes, I remember reading this 🙂
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Makes quite a bit of sense, doesn’t it…
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may you find your peace 🙂
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I’m actually feeling much more settled about it since reading that quote. 🙂
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