So for this week’s Sandbox Writing Challenge, Raili would very much like to know:
What are the endings and beginnings needed
for your “new me” to be birthed?
Describe the qualities, attributes, and beliefs of a “new me”.
I’ve been thinking about these questions since Raili brought them up the other day. I don’t feel there are a lot of qualities and attributes I’d be for changing much. I like myself! Now I probably wouldn’t have said THAT before we started this book so I KNOW there’s been some progress. And I think part of that has to do with being able to let some of the past stuff go. I’ve worked really hard at that.
But the hard part of all of this is even though I think I know all the good stuff I’ve learned this year in my head, committing it to heart and putting it into practice is a whole ‘nother thing…
The weird thing is I had a dream the other night that I think pertained to these questions. I found myself in a building downtown going for a job interview. I couldn’t find the office and had to ask someone. They directed me to the elevators and a different floor. The elevator was in a tiny hallway. I felt really really hemmed in and claustrophobic. While I was standing there I noticed my reflection in a Coke machine, and all of a sudden these negative comments started rippling through my head. Comments about the way I looked, my abilities and qualifications for the job. And I knew right then what my most important ending/beginning needed to be. It had to be about my self-perception. I’ve spoken all the right words this last year, true words, but making myself really believe whole-heartedly the things I’ve said is another story.
My inner critic is the biggest witch in the world! And I’ve come to realize this past year if I don’t deal with her and shut her up nothing much is ever going to change for me. So my biggest ending this next year is to stuff a gag in her mouth and shove her in the party closet where she can amuse herself. Then I need to begin building myself up. I also need to put an end to being afraid of my own shadow and begin to get out of the house and do things more on my own. (Which would be a whole lot easier if I had my own car! Just sayin’, God…)
I suppose there’s tons of other beginnings and endings I could list, but I think it will be best to just start with a couple. So those are my goals for the next year:
- End the crappy self-condemnation.
- Begin building myself up with positive and honest thoughts about who I am. (I actually despise the phrase self-talk. I think it’s bullsh*t. I KNOW when I’m lying to myself and trying to pull the wool over my eyes.)
- End being afraid of what’s going to happen in the future by…
- Beginning to get out on my own more so I know I will be able to take care of myself if and when the time comes.
I really liked having this extra prompt to make me set a few goals. I’ll be interested to see what others have come up with.