My apologies to gcarmack over at Don’t Judge a Book By Its Movie for not getting my third quote up yesterday for the Quote Challenge. I was fairly discombobulated by the election and totally spaced off a LOT of stuff I was supposed to do yesterday! Sigh… (rolls eyes) 4:30 this morning I woke up and thought, “Oh crap! I forgot a post!” It’s 5:27, so without FURTHER delay, here goes!
It was best, I think, that I forgot this post because last night I was struggling with a lot of things besides the election results. I was struggling with the lack of “digging around in my heart cave” as I’ve done for the last several years, a theme of my blog. I had come to the conclusion that I’d found all the relevant “pieces of me” and was in the process of restoring myself to a better version of who I am. But I think I may have miscalculated just how “integral” or maybe “addictive” the process had become for me.
I had decided it was time to let it go now and make a point of living in the moment. But I find that I am feeling somewhat anxious all the time now. I’ve been getting agitated more easily, more emotional, and my mind feels full of “stuff” like a cluttered attic, yet I’m having a hard time sitting down and writing ANYTHING. And I’m not sure what that’s all about.
But lying there thinking about a quote post for today, I remembered something Mark Twain once said (I love that guy!). He said:
Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.
And I’m wondering if what I’m feeling is something like that. One thing’s for certain, I’m just spinnin’ my wheels in my life right now. Can’t make decisions, am disinclined to do even the things I like doing like getting out of the house and going to visit my shut-ins from church. So what did Mark Twain mean?
My illusions are based on my perceptions of reality, and I’m wondering if I’ve spent so much time questioning my reality that I’ve begun to question virtually everything around me. Have I, instead of “finding myself”, really “lost myself” again? Am I, in some strange flip-flop way, out of touch with who I am? Has the “fabric” of my life started to unravel?
Drollery has noticed a change in me the last couple months. He says I’m more unsettled, and I can’t claim it’s all the election coverage because it started before that. Something happened when I “abandoned my dig”, though I’m not sure what. And I’m not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing — or if it’s just different and I’ve gotta get used to it.
Be that as it may, Mark Twain’s quote has given me a place to start to unravel my unraveling! And I have no idea what I’ll find at the end of that ball of yarn…
Is it possible that just having a QUEST is what keeps life interesting for me?
Thanks again to gcarmack for throwing this challenge my way. As always quotes are a great peek into a person’s heart!
Picture Credit: The Inquisitr