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blogging101, Creative Writing, Family, Journaling, Poetry, Reflections, Uncategorized, Writing 101
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Twenty Seventeen
My friend Dorothy Montoya used to say
she could look at the state of my house
and know the state of my mind.
I reckon she was right ’cause she
had a knack for reading my moods.
It’s Thursday, January 5th, 3:40 p.m.
The Anniversary Clock is ticking softly
in my mother’s favorite curio cabinet, and
I’m sitting here mute, looking at the state
of dishevelment in my humble hovel
wondering why I’m not hard at work
getting things back to normal after the holidays.
I seem unable…
My thoughts and feelings about my life,
and where I thought I’d be by now
are all over the creased and wrinkled,
folded and refolded
map of my mind and emotions.
What I thought I wanted, I don’t.
What I thought I didn’t want, I do.
The old landmarks that helped me
get my barrings in my life have
suddenly gone askew like an
old neighborhood after a tornado
has raped and pillaged the town.
Nothing looks the same anymore.
And that’s how I feel as
I’ve started off this new year.
Though the winds have died down
and it’s no longer raining,
the sky is still a dark charcoal gray.
Odds and ends and pieces of roofing
are fluttering to the ground around me.
(Or is that wrapping paper and tinsel?)
I stand on the porch of my mind
undone by the devastation and wonder
how in the hell I’m going to maneuver
my way through this new year of my life.
In the back of my memory I hear Plato say,
“Just breathe. The world won’t fall apart
if your house is not sorted out.”
I know he’s right, but there are so many things
I’m apt to trip over in the dark.
And while I sit here
not knowing where to start,
with no energy to begin,
the clock ticks…
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(Just a note… There is NOTHING major going on with me, in case you are wondering. This year is our big trip to the British Isles, and I’m having some kind of major issues with my Type 2 diabetes and one other thing that may make it difficult to go on the trip. Working hard to get things in order, but thus “the clock ticks.” Sometimes I just get discouraged and drag all my paper hats and noise makers out of the Party Closet. I was in there rummaging around today in case you can’t tell! My anxiety came out in a poem…. 
)
Impromptu Promptlings 
Great post, but it’s been talked to death, so I’ll say how I love the new photo of you. It shows you looking open and confident, like you’re saying “Ok, you lovely people, here’s the real me.”
Beautiful. Yes, you. True beauty doesn’t usually show through until life has knocked you about a bit.
I can hear your embarrassment cogs spinning, as you try to come up with a self-derogatory reply, so don’t even bother. Just accept it. 🙂
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Let me tell you about that picture of me. I posted it to a website to see which famous person I most resembled (you know, thinking Farah Fawcett or someone like that! 😉 ), and who came up was Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfed! I was devastated. Not even a damn woman! But I’ll be darn if I don’t look enough like him to be his sister. So I’ve always hated that picture!
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That’s awful! But hilarious at the same time. You shouldn’t worry about it – when I checked to see who I wrote like, the analysis both said I wrote like Shakespeare!
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I hear the clock ticking too C…..can I have a hat and join the party ?!?! 🎉
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What color do you want? I have Hawaiian leis, too!!! And a couple clown noses if it will make you feel better! 😀 I just found out this afternoon that Stef and Jesse may be moving back here by summer. THAT was a surprise!
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Bright vibrant colors!! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
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Stay well. Stay healthy. You are a joy and amazement to read…Sending Positive Thoughts Your Way. 🙂
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Thanks, Jeanne. I appreciate all the good thoughts. And I’m still floored you went out in that snow in your flip flops!!! LOL
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Oh, Lady Calen, I have often felt this way. It is not a pity party. It is a real emotion. Please know that you are not alone. We can wend our way together.
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I have to admit I did like what Plato said below about we often don’t pay attention till something hurts. Tells me I need to slow down and take care of myself as much as I do others around me. Why is that so bloomin’ hard…
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A poem from the Now. 🙂 what is rather than what was or what might be. Very nice!
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But why are they always so damn dark when they’re from the now? What I said the other day about always feeling like I need to fix me… I think that right there, that negative focus, is a large part of what I was talking about. I wonder if I was that way when the kids were young or if it’s just something that’s come about since they’ve gotten older and I’ve lost that particular role in my life…
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They are not necessarily dark when written in the now. It is that it is that we often don’t pay attention till it hurts. It is one thing to quote Jung about going into the dark and making it light. It is another to actually do it. One is an intellectual nod to a cool idea about something. The other is the actual doing and knowing the thing.
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“…we often don’t pay attention till it hurts.” Wow… That’s kind of right, isn’t it… I hadn’t heard that quote from Jung. I guess I better get that “Red Book.” Have it in my cart on Amazon. Sometimes I think if I can articulate the darkness it can’t overtake me. Like the poem I wrote once about not knowing what was following me. I had always thought it was God and you suggested it was actually me, myself. I think that was right.
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I really like your poems. They relay so well those feelings that we all get and that we keep to ourselves.
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I do think we need to be honest about what we feel. But I don’t feel like I have any balance in my life. I seem always to gravitate to the darker side of my feelings. I find that a puzzle and very disappointing that it seems to be the only time I try to write any kind of poem. I wish I knew how to change that.
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A trip to the British Isles sounds wonderful. I hope that you are able to get your health issues under control so you can go and enjoy yourself 100%.
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Thank you, Judie. I’m hoping so, too. I’ve wanted to do this trip since I was in high school. Trying to sort things out…
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My house is not that different after Christmas and all the kids being home. Marc and Shalini leave tomorrow. Sunday I will take down the Christmas tree and pack away all the ornaments. Then clean this enormous house we roll around in over next week as the New Year rolls along. I no longer worry about what others might think – it’s a ‘clean mess’ which will be dealt with in my own time. Truth be told, the others I think may be critical of my housekeeping skills are all inside my own head, lol !
Not sure if any of that makes you feel any better 🙂
[[[Be kind to Calen, Cheryl ]]]
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You know, normally it wouldn’t bother me too much, but we’re leaving in less than a week to go to DC to see the grandkiddos. I just like it to be straightened out before we go. Or we might not be able to find Brandon in all the crap when we get back! LOL
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I know what you mean. I like to leave the house neat and tidy when we go away too. Nothing worse than not being able find the kids or the dog when you come back !
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It’ll be OK my friend. Your family and friends will be by your side to help you each step of the way through this new year. I’m always a phone call away! Luv Ya!
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Maybe I should force you to come along on our cruise!!! 😀 (You probably ought to read the note I added up there. I wasn’t really freakin’ out. Though I AM a little freaky when it comes to it!)
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There is no start – only continuing – and sometimes it takes an almighty effort to gather some fresh momentum – but it will come. We know who we are really. We are mystery.
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Yeah… I kind of feel like a mystery at the moment. 😦
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Hey Opher! Please read the note I added. Didn’t want you to think I was having a major meltdown there… Just a pity party! 😀
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