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The Sandbox Writing Challenge — Exercise 1
You find yourself in a quiet room looking at your reflection in this beautiful old mirror. What do you see? Is there anything in particular you like about yourself? Is there anything you don’t like? Tell us about it.
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Having been raised by a mother who was NEVER satisfied with the way she looked (though she was very beautiful and sold Avon for a living) or anyone ELSE looked, for that matter, mirrors have always been painful things for me. The first thing mom did with everyone — especially my sister and me — was critique how they looked, then comment on it. And no one lived up to her impossibly high standards.
My sister grew up and followed in mom’s footsteps. I, on the other hand, practiced not giving a hoot about how people looked. How does that work? You ask an alcoholic why he’s an alcoholic he might answer you, “My dad was an alcoholic. What do you expect?” Ask his brother who doesn’t imbibe the same question and, like his nibs here, he might say, “My dad was an alcoholic. What do you expect?” Funny how that works.
Anyway, mirrors and I have never been friends, though in the past I would have been able to at least be kinder to myself. At the moment, however, on a high dose of prednisone for this autoimmune disorder, I look like Chip or Dale with my cheeks crammed full of acorns. I do NOT look like myself at all. And I hate what I see. I knew going into this therapy that weight gain would be an issue, but most of it has been from the neck up! (rolls eyes…)
But I suppose I should at least TRY to cut myself a little slack. My hair has held up fairly well for being 66. That’s a plus. It’s short at the moment, though his nibs really prefers it long. He’s still laboring under the fantasy that I’m going to morph into Beach Bunny Barbie at some point (the man has the patience of a saint!). I tried to dissuade him of that possibility by buying a key chain that says “Not born Barbie; trying to cope anyway!”, but it hasn’t helped.
Now that I sleep with a bi-pap machine (because the MG has weakened the muscles around my lungs and I breathe way too shallowly) with straps that go around the back of my head to hold the nasal pillow on, some of it is being pulled out! I can’t afford a lot of withdrawals from that bank! My hair is thin and fine.
It’s an inconvenience because I REFUSE to go out of the house without a shower now! I look scary as hell when I get up in the morning! Even my grandkids look at me with fear and trepidation! They moved back here from Maryland in the spring just as all this was happening, and I sure didn’t look like who they remembered grandma was!
But I have gentle blue eyes that are usually smiling. I don’t mind the wrinkles at the corners of my mouth and eyes. I earned every one of them legitimately. I don’t however, do open-mouthed smiles for pictures because there’s a big enough space between my top two front teeth to stick a bloomin’ straw through. Kind of gives my face a jack-o-lantern look at the moment. 😉 But those same eyes go dark steel blue if I get angry. Sort of like a mood ring. Remember them? Oh, you didn’t live through the 70’s?
If I like anything in particular about my appearance, it would be my hands. Though they are veined and look probably older than they should, I’ve been told repeatedly that they are very graceful. I don’t bite my nails so they are usually polished. Ok, I think my polished nails are pretty classy. 😀 The rest of me, not so much. I live in jeans and t-shirts, but hey! It cuts down on laundry!
All kidding aside, I’ve learned to not trust what I see in mirrors anymore than I trust what I see on the outside of people. But if I am to be honest, the thing that cowers me about this first exercise is that I don’t feel like I belong somewhere looking in a beautiful old mirror like that. There’s a lot of insecurity hiding inside me. That’s why I continue to dig around in my heart’s cave. I’m trying very hard to heal some of those wounds left from childhood. That’s what drew me to Allen’s book in the first place…
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Picture Sources:
Selfie — GoodFon.com
Key Chain — mine
Crazy Hair — GQ.com
Mood Ring — Choicest1.com
spiritualdragonfly said:
we gals are so hard on ourselves aren’t we?? We are all unique and beautiful in our own ways….but lordy do I have my ugly mornings!! lol
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calensariel said:
Yeah, now that I have to wear that head band thingy EVERY morning is an ugly morning! I look like I have orangutan hair! 😦
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spiritualdragonfly said:
Well I need to get back to Joseph so he can shave some more off my top…I left a boy to much and I look like a rooster when I get up in the morning 😂🐔
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Clare said:
One exercise in and I’ve already discovered these writing aerobics can leave you feeling raw, but isn’t that what this is all about – discovery? BTW – We must be two peas from the same pod 😱 My cheeks always look like I’m smuggling walnuts, you can park a Mac truck between my two front teeth, and my eye colour has always changed with my mood. 💜💜💜
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calensariel said:
Yep, I’ve always thought we had a lot in common. Though I couldn’t speak in front of crowd like you can if my life depended on it! And yes, some of these exercises made me feel really raw. I guess part of that is in how serious you take them, if one is really working toward healing or forgiving, or something like that.
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Clare said:
Totally agree. 😁
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Shannon said:
You really DO have lovely eyes, so glad you can see that. Illness is hard on a body (and hair!). So patience with yourself and your new look is needed right now. Use the energy you have doing the things you love to do. You are blessed beyond measure in family and friends. I think we have discussed this before, or maybe I just wrote about it and you commented, but it is vital that you reach a point where you are ok with the “new” you. There must be grieving of sorts for the old you, but take some time to love the things this new you has, that the older you didn’t. Stay strong. ❤
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calensariel said:
“…take some time to love the things this new you has, that the older you didn’t.” You mean like the extra 18 lbs.? 😉 LOL I know. You’re right. STILL I hope I lose that much of her when I get off this stuff!
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Soul Gifts said:
We all suffer from various physical challenges! I know I do. Perhaps that’s why plastic surgery is so popular these days – people are trying to ‘fix’ what nature gifted them with. I think mirrors are over-rated. I only use mine when I brush my hair or put on make-up, which is very rarely these days!!
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calensariel said:
Yeah, I’m in that place, too. When I think of plastic surgery I can’t help picturing Jennifer Grey and Kenny Rogers, both of whom now look nothing like they did before surgery. What a mess! (But I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that I HAVE wondered what it would be like to be rid of his bloomin’ turkey neck! But I learned you have to have a full face lift to do that. Would never consider it…)
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Soul Gifts said:
Wear your wrinkles with pride, I say! You worked hard for them. They’re our medals 🙂
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