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The Sandbox Writing Challenge 2018 — Exercise 4

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Relaxation & Pleasure

Tell us a little bit about:
a) what relaxes you, and 
b) what brings you pleasure.

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It’s Monday again. And, as usual, I’ve waited till the last minute to do this exercise. Truth is I’ve struggled and struggled with it because I’m not in a very good place in my life at the moment and there really isn’t much that relaxes me or gives me pleasure. I was going to skip it, but Spiritual Dragonfly reminded me on the phone this afternoon that we promised if we went through these a second time we’d be honest! Okay, girl…

Let me just say it sucks having to practically pull yourself up the bloomin’ stairs. I won’t say this MG has gotten the best of me, but it’s sure screwed with the functioning of my life. Thankfully I can still drive, though it does wear me out. Used to be when I needed to chillax I’d take a drive out in the country with the radio or a cd blaring. It was always good for what ails me. But since being blindsided by these limitations, doing things like that on my own causes me a lot of anxiety. The neurologist said the first year is the worst. I sure hope he’s right.

The things I used to love to do are difficult for me now. Cross-stitching is hard because the prednisone has caused neuropathy in my finger tips making it almost impossible to know if I’m holding the needle. Reading has always been my escape. But on these meds I seem to have the attention span of a three-year-old. Three minutes? Maybe… Writing and sending cards and letters has always been my thing. Now I can barely recognize my own handwriting. Though I still manage get well cards and such. TV is also something that has lost its allure for me. I’m bored five minutes into pert near everything. I’ve turned into someone who needs Sesame Street now instead of Mr. Rogers. (Sigh… I LOVE Mr. Rogers…)

Anyway, you get my drift. Nothing much relaxes me because in the back of my mind I know I could have another A-fib episode any time. I’m just not used to living with this type of uncertainty. I’m on a low-dose of antidepressant (which I fought and fought) to help me cope. It does a good job, but it has failed to bring any spontaneity back to my life. So at least for now relaxing seems not to be an option for me on a regular basis. The closest I get is when the guys are at home for the night and I can shut down for a little while.

As far as pleasure is concerned, sometimes things will grab my attention. Sitting here just now eating an orange, I realized as I was holding it in front of the laptop screen that the color was the same as the picture I have saved as a wallpaper. And that surprised and pleased me — for a brief moment. And it pleases me when his nibs calls in the middle of the day just to check on me and say hello. So I’m trying to train myself to look for little things like that. For the moment, that’s the best I can do.

And this POST is the best I can do, too. Well, at least the most honest. (My sister says I’m a whiner… Maybe she’s right! 😦 ) Thanks, Linda, for the pep talk. ❤

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