In a reflective mood this morning. Stef, Jesse, and the grandkiddos were here last night to celebrate Brandon (40) and Lydia’s (3) birthdays. Alexa was playing waltzes, of all things, because Lydie had on a tulle skirt and looked very much like a ballerina. She wanted to twirl! I kept thinking how fascinated my dad would have been with that Alexa technology. He’s where I got my curiosity from. 😀
And later, as I sat watching the kids pile on Bran as he opened his present, I couldn’t help think how much my mom would have enjoyed her great-grandkids. She used to love to cuddle with her own grandkids when they were little, always wanting hugs and kisses. But as soon as they got old enough that they had other things they’d rather be doing (and I think all kids go through that), she would get her feelings hurt because she didn’t know how to connect with them emotionally when they began to be their own persons. Much like it was with my siblings and me.
I’ve realized after all these years (she passed away in 1998) how lonely she must really have been, how starved for affection. Especially after dad was gone. But she was so hurt from a first marriage that she put some very tall walls around her heart. She was hesitant to let anyone in except the children. And then only for a time.
She was still on my mind when I went to bed last night, and I grabbed a pen and wrote a haiku about it. So spur of the moment…
`
adrift
her life seemed unmoored
adrift on seas of sadness
becalmed and thirsting
`
`
`
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Picture Sources:
Boat– Reflections on Grace
Lady — Medium
This is so poignant, Lady Calen. You have such deep insight:
“she would get her feelings hurt because she didn’t know how to connect with them emotionally when they began to be their own persons. Much like it was with my siblings and me.” I can think of people I knew who were like that and wonder if they realized it themselves. Lovely post and haiku, dear heart.
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Thanks, Ruth… My feelings about my mom have changed so much since I started spelunking in my cave. It used to make me cringe when someone would say I was like my mom in any way. I guess I’ve matured some digging around in there because I finally realized that for ever ynot so great trait someone has, there’s an opposite that’s a real strength. And my mom was a champ when it came to being strong for everyone else — except herself, which frustrated her and made her lash out from time to time. I wish I’d figured that our sooner..
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totally “feel” your haiku!!
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Good!
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Becalmed and thirsting – I’d never have thought of it, but the those two words perfectly describe a particular state of sadness. I love how you give me a fresh perspective on things.
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Well, you can’t drink sea water!
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I’m impressed by your logic 🙂
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Not logic. I’m on a salt-restricted diet! LOL
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Oh…such loveliness. You are a master of haiku!
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Haiku is great for those of us with a short attention span! LOL 😀 Thanks, Lori!
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We’re just recovering from two weeks of looking after Grandchildren. They are lovely but hard work.
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Amen to THAT, brother! I keep wondering how I ever managed to teach kindergarten and not hogtie and of those kids!!!
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