I think I’ve finally figured out why it’s been so hard for me to get back in the habit of blogging. . .or reading. . .or writing. . .or cross stitching. . . At first I thought it was because I made so many mistakes when I was typing. This, unfortunately, is very true. The MG has caused my thumbs to droop and they’re always in the way. I make more mistakes than actual words. So it takes me forever to get anything posted on the blog.
But I realized this week that is NOT the reason I’m having trouble doing all these things. Before I managed to get Myasthenia Gravis, I had a great routine. My mornings were spent sorting out the house which left my afternoons free for whatever I wanted to do.
Sadly, it now takes me all day to do what I could do in the morning before I had a Myasthenia flareup in January. And I’ve found that every time I want to sit down and cross stitch or work on the blog I’m somewhat overcome by my own work ethic and I feel guilty.
I’ve been telling his nibs for a while now that I feel like I’ve lost myself the last couple years. I finally understand why I’m feeling that way, I think. It’s because I’m not doing all the things that made me ME!
Creativity is part of our make up. It’s in our genes. When we can’t be creative in whatever way that looks like for each of us, our personalities can really change. I have been feeling two dimensional for so long now.
And I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to rewire my brain. I’m tired of feeling like a paper doll wobbling around this house all the time trying to keep up with the housework.
So I joined the last summer session of Camp NaNoWriMo (that runs the whole month of July) in the hopes that allowing myself to work on some writing for an hour or so a day will snap me out of the doldrums and help me get over that stupid rule that I made for myself.
Does any of that makes sense, or am I reaching? Have any of you made vows to yourself that you find later are really hard to keep? And do we insist on keeping them at the expense of who we really are? This curious mind wants to know if I’m the only nit wit in the world?