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blogging101, Journaling, Quotes, Reflections, Sandbox Writing Challenge, Uncategorized, Writing 101, Writing Prompts
Here I am down to the wire on this one again on the Sandbox Writing Challenge. The past couple weeks have found me dragging really, really bad. For the first time in two years (on October 14th) I haven’t really looked forward to getting on here. But I figure it’s just more of my roller coaster emotions at the moment, so I’ll do what I usually do with most other problems, I’ll push through it and write whether I want to or not. Like Opher, I just keep working on my problems till I start to get somewhere.
What happens in my mind when I encounter a problem is I grab hold of my boot straps and give ’em a hard tug. Usually I can put my emotions on hold, put my head down and plow right into trying to figure things out. Unless I can’t… Truthfully, sometimes I get so discouraged I feel like LIFE itself is one big problem.
When I fail to solve a problem my mind usually is standing there with this disapproving look on its face, arms crossed, tongue clucking like an old mother hen, implying I’m really lacking because I couldn’t sort things out. And even if the problem is not my fault, by the time my mind is done with lecture #32, I have no doubt that the issue is entirely mine. I go through emotions pretty quickly. I can move from denial to anger to self-condemnation in as little as 30 seconds. I reckon a lot of that is conditioning because I can’t be responsible for EVERYTHING that goes wrong in my life. Can I? Not everything IS my fault.
Be that as it may, nine times out of ten my mind winds right back to placing the blame for things squarely on my shoulders. (And sometimes I don’t really know if there IS a problem! Seriously… But there MIGHT be so I take responsibility for it just in case!) The end result is an emotional dip into depression. And I’ve usually had such a sound tongue lashing by my mind that my self-esteem in in the toilet by then.
Though I’ve certainly not gained much needed perspective in this area of my life, I can say I’ve gotten better these last couple years about recognizing when I can and can’t fix things; when they’re my fault and when they’re not. It doesn’t help my frustration, but it does short circuit the mind games I go through sometimes. And I’m learning to offer myself an extra helping of Grace when I’m grappling with problems I can’t overcome. That’s an improvement over the last 30+ years.
In the end I know there will always be problems to struggle with, but my hope is that I keep learning better and better techniques to deal with them like not internalizing everything. My attitude needs to become what Soren Kierkegaard once said:
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Picture Credits:
Problems Cloud — affirmyourlife.blogspot.com
Kierkegaard quote — brightdrops.com
Safar Fiertze said:
Gosh, I can almost feel the weight of everything you take upon yourself! I have two things I do most days that make me feel invincible – going to send you a mail – they take about 3 minutes to do and they help to start the day feeling light.
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calensariel said:
LOL Yeah, I have a real mental condition and a much too high opinion of myself! 😀 Got your email. Will answer a bit later. {{{Safar}}}
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Soul Gifts said:
One step at a time will still get you where you want to go. Just take it easy – rest and recuperate. It’s a super moon this month so the energies in the lead up to full moon are bound to be turbulent. Here we’re both insomniacy – and that’s unusual.
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calensariel said:
You, too? What’s up with that?
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Soul Gifts said:
I’m just tired from not sleeping well in the lead up to the full moon. Makes me grumpy and achy. Nothing as severe as what you are going through 🙂
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calensariel said:
My biggest problem with sleeping is my love affair with the toity every two hours! Gettin’ old really sucks the life out of your uninterrupted sleep! LOL
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spiritualdragonfly said:
Just gotta keep rollin’ along…..love the quote!!
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calensariel said:
Yeah, it was a pretty good one, eh? I like good old Soren. 😀
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spiritualdragonfly said:
😊😊😊😊😊
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Clare said:
Oh Calen, the things we talk ourselves into! I taught my girls that self-talk is either your best friend or you worse enemy – keep it positive and everything else doesn’t feel so big or so bad.
I do love your last meme “Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” And in doing so, we all have our little ups and downs to overcome. Thinking of you 🙂
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calensariel said:
I’ll be fine once this stupid election is over. It’s giving me nightmares!!!
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Clare said:
You and everyone else also.
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Opher said:
We invent most of our problems. Left to themselves they solve themselves.
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calensariel said:
Lot of truth to that when it comes to personal problems, I guess. But some things like not being able to find a job or get health insurance, that’s a different ballgame. Perhaps we need categories of problems? LOL
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amileinmyshoes said:
I’m sorry to read that you’re not feeling like coming on here and you emotions are up and down. In the short time I’ve followed you – the past couple of weeks (I hope that’s a coincidence) you’ve been so supportive and appeared strong. But then, I suppose those who appear strong are often the ones who need the support. This is a fitting blog post for Mental Health Awareness Day. Hope you find keep finding techniques that help you. x
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calensariel said:
Geez, thank you my dear. I like your blog a lot, too. I’m not going anywhere. I think this stupid election is wearing on me and been struggling some with back issues. Usually these moods just mean I need MORE SLEEP. 😀 I’m fine. Just runnin’ on fumes at the moment.
I think that’s a bit of a hazard for folks who are serious about blogging. We find out it’s a whole other world and you have to look after that blog like it’s a baby. It’s a responsibility. But I am WOMAN! Hear me ROAR (and whimper a little!). LOL 😉
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amileinmyshoes said:
Lack of sleep is detrimental to my health, and I can see why the election is getting you down too. We’re watching here with bated breath. Don’t feel guilty about not being on here though.
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calensariel said:
I was also beta reading a book for a friend, Christina Ochs. Needed to have input to her like yesterday! Was running a little behind. BUT! I finished it about an hour ago and have sent her off an email. Feel MUCH better now! 😀
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