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Family, Journaling, Memories & Reflections, Sandbox Writing Challenge 2018, Self-actualization, Uncategorized
The Sandbox Writing Challenge 2018 — Exercise 24
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What are you holding onto from the past?
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Running behind yet again! Been gone every day this week. So today I’m playing catch-up. But that’s not really the reason I’m late with this post. There were just so many “contenders” for this prompt that I had a had time deciding which was the most important. I tend to hold on a lot of things…
But the winner is actually the regret that I didn’t get to “know” my mom better. I think for a lot of us there comes a time in our lives when we develop a hunger for really knowing our parents. Whether it’s because we wonder if we are or aren’t like them and what that means for those around us, or perhaps we get interesting in finding our “roots.”
For me, I think I just wanted to understand my mom. She was a very private person. Had it not been for my aunts I would likely never have known, for example, that she had been married before and had lost a baby — while carrying a bucket of feed to the pigs…
The last trip me made home to Ohio she was with us. One of the things she wanted to do was drive around and see all the houses she had lived in. It felt almost like she was saying goodbye. I was shocked at how many there were. But whenever I’d ask her what her life was like growing up, her pat answer was that there was nothing good to talk about.
It feels like a great loss to me. Her family is all but gone now and there’s no one to whom I can address these questions. We struggled a lot through our relationship, and I’m still trying to understand why. Was I TOO much like her? Not ENOUGH like her. I guess I’ll never know. And I seem not to be able to let go of the disappointment and curiosity. It has left quite a gaping wound in my soul…
Me too! I didn’t get a chance to have those conversations with her like I would like to now. All I can do is ask those that knew her and hope they can remember and impart their wisdom. 🤗🤗hugs
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We waited too long to do that. Her family is all gone now except for a couple of my cousins. Such a regret…
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When you’ve mentioned this in the past, I thought that maybe she didn’t share her history because she was trying to forget her history, but when you went to Ohio with her, she wanted to see the places she’d lived, so it can’t have been that. Maybe she reckoned that if she didn’t dump her baggage on you kids, you wouldn’t have to carry it. It’s just an idea…
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Maybe. Would be logical that she wouldn’t want us to think less of dad. But then she turned around and put all those old letters where she knew we’d find them. We weren’t as connected to her as we were dad. I guess in the end she must have wanted us to know he was no saint?
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Unless she just couldn’t bring herself to throw them away. It’s sad that you’ll never have the answers to all those questions.
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Perhaps, some things we do not need to know, or they are not for us to know as they are private. Maybe that is why she never told you….
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I don’t know, Raili. I’m sure that’s true with some things, but she never shared any of the good things with us either. (She did, however, leave an assortment of old letters stuck here and there for us to find when she was gone. They were quite enlightening.)
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I always find it intriguing hod different people are ! That is a level of privacy within a family that is unusual, I must say. I wonder why she felt the need to be like that. I guess you must too.
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Yes. So did my brother and sister.
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It’s hard accepting the fact that we’ll never know ….. but I have accepted because I have no other choice. (((((((hugs))))))
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Yes, there’s nothing to be done. She was so different than dad. He’d get together with his brother Don and they’d talk about old times and record it. It was a hoot! Dad and mom were as difference as night and day.
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I feel for you, Lady C. Hugs.
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Well, I’m guessing parents dumping their life stories on their kids and others has only come in vogue in recent years with the interest in genealogy. Mom passed in 1998.
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