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blogging101, Creative Writing, Family, Journaling, Reflections, Sandbox Writing Challenge, Writing 101, Writing Prompts
In The Sandbox Writing Challenge this week Roberta Allen wants to know what we “hunger” for…
I didn’t have to think at all to come up with this answer. Please don’t get me wrong. I LOVE my son. We had to jump through many hoops to have this kid. Having him at home with us has been a blessing. He helps (on occasion) around the house, is more than willing to haul my keister here and there when I don’t have a car, and he’s a real talker (which is kind of a blessing and NOT sometimes when I really want my space). Of our two kids, Bran’s the one that always came home and unloaded about his day.
But he is an ADULT child, and that has its drawbacks. He and Drollery have VERY different opinions about LOTS of things, especially politics, and dinners often ending up leaving us with indigestion (not always from my cooking!). Learning to treat him as an adult renting a room from us has been nearly impossible because he’s still our kid. And did I mention that there are times I end up playing maid? Or wanting my own space? (We have a TINY house!)
The hardest thing in all of this is that Drollery and I only had four months of empty nest syndrome after Bran and Mariel got married in 2007 before they moved in with us. Theirs was a very stormy relationship and they are now working on getting a divorce. So while she has moved back to Florida, Bran is still with us.
The problem is partners change during their child-rearing days. They aren’t the same people post-kids. When the kids are (or should be) on their own, there needs to be that time to get to know each other again. To figure out who you are not just alone, but together. Michelle Toussaint over at Random Michelle did a post this week about this very thing and it made me sad that I knew so well what she meant. Stop by and have a read about Listening to Road Noise: Assumptions. I bet you’ll identify, too.
So the thing I hunger for the most in this life is for that time for me and Drollery to get to know each other again (and by default that would mean that Bran would be able to move on with his life). I haven’t given up hope, but sometimes it’s really difficult to even imagine it will ever come to be…
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Picture Credits:
Bran — moi
family — www.scarymommy.com
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Chuck and I are both on our second time around and we don’t have anyone living with us. But even after being together for almost 18 yrs (and married for 10 of those 18) we still are getting to know each other. Because as individuals we change as we grow that means we’re always getting to know each other in some form or another. I don’t think we ever stop learning about our partners.
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I so agree with that. But how do you convince your spouse that THEY need to continue to learn and grow and share, too. That’s a big part of the problem for us. We don’t “travel at the same speed” so to speak.
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We still have both kids at home, with partners. One comes and goes, the other stays. We get on well and have our own space. But then we are blessed with a big house so are not underfoot. And we seem to have found our pace and space for getting on with our retired lives. I hope you do too. You’re going away on a cruise sometime soonish – that will help 🙂
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I wish we had a bigger house. Ours is only 900 sq. ft. per floor. Way too small for three adults.
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We started off small, but over the years have added two large extensions, tripling the size of the house. Our land is very big too – an old block, back in the day when they were a decent size. We also have the advantage of having family and friends who are all tradies. TRH did most of the work himself, and his brother is a Master Builder. He did the plans and build to second fix with his team. Between us we have contacts for all the trades. Saved us a bundle.
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I patiently await your book on re-finding the spark. Hope your son finds his footing.
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Oh heck. I’ll probably burn the house DOWN with a match before I find that spark! Takes TWO sticks to rub together to get a spark. You kind of told it like it was on your blog! LOL
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I can relate about having another (even if they’re in a house ten minutes away, and one of us had to be over there daily, and was at the beck and call of that other person) individual create a sense of losing touch with the one we vowed to spend all the days of our lives with, because we’ve taken responsibility to take care of the other. And just when you think the time has come to re-establish that intimate life together again, there is still someone else pulling us from having ‘our’ time together completely.
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And you’re still not done being responsible for someone else, are you, Fim… It’s a big commitment. But you and Mr. Q are finding your way. 🙂
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Yes, that’s exactly what I was saying… and did I tell you she’s in hospital? I’ll update you tomorrow
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Oh no! That doesn’t sound good soon after Harold’s passing. Has she given up?
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That was very tough for you Linda, you deserve all the happiness in the World. Love Anna.
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Hey everyone! Have been meaning to tell everyone commenting that I left my comments nested at three so it would give people more room to comment. So if there’s a comment you want to respond to but no reply button, just go up to the original comment in that section and click Reply. It will automatically put your answer right beneath the one you’re responding to without indenting it. I didn’t think it would be confusing, but it has been for some. I should have warned everyone.
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You write so beautifully and honestly about things that – you’re spot on – are very common these days. These issues may be unique to this generation,and it does take a lot of adjustment to figure it all out. I hope you get your time,a nd I know in the mean while, you’ll be making time.
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Thanks, kiddo. I’m flattered. This coming from someone who whips out terrific movie reviews regularly! And how’s your back these days, btw? All’s well?
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My mother kicked me out of the house at 18……The last time I lived with my father I was 9.
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You were young, girlfriend, to be all on your own. {{{Linda}}}
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I was alone for a long time C…. That was then, this is NOW!!
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(See a comment from Anna up above…)
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Your Son needs you right now, its tough for him and your love and support is so important. Jonathan and David are still at home, I don’t mind and maybe because the house is big we don’t bump into each other. We have our arguments believe me but one day they will move on or I will be gone – who knows what is ahead. I am very sure your Son is so grateful to you, and you and Arn well you have that bond, you are still together that says something.
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Yeah, I don’t worry about me and Drollery. It just would be more fun if could reconnect again with out changing interests and such.
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