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Yesterday I was over at Janet Thomas’ blog, Elixir: Creative and Reflective Writing, reading her post Where are all the Angry Women? I found it very enlightening. It left me with some questions about my own blogging habits. Namely, do I — have I EVER — allowed myself to really express anger in my journals? After sitting staring at her blog for awhile I came to the conclusion I don’t.
I asked myself why. Is it because I leave them on my desk or wherever I’m writing so that anyone could pick them up and read them? I’m not saying I don’t write about being upset with people, I do. But I had to ask myself if I always couch my words in acceptable terms adding that I know I’m not the best at behaving admirably in the same situations either. Yes, I do. And in some respect maybe that’s like giving those people a “get out of jail free” card? Don’t I have to hold myself to the same exacting standards and vice versa? If I let myself off the hook, how can I hold others accountable for their behavior?
So I don’t think there’s ever been a time when I’ve just sat down with a pen and paper and gotten my “mad” on and let loose. Never. And that made me wonder WHY I’m afraid to do that. Why am I afraid to rant, for example, about how no one in this house can put stuff away when they’re done with it? They even leave the milk sitting out on the cabinet on occasion. Apparently it’s MY job to follow around behind them continually and see that it doesn’t happen! (Funny. I don’t remember that being in my job description wedding vows…) And it just plain p*sses me off! But do I ever throw a hissy fit about it when I journal? Nope. Other than to say I wish they’d be more considerate.
That, of course, is a mildly irritating example. But if I can’t express my anger about something small like that, what about the BIG stuff I’m keeping shut up inside? What in the world am I afraid will happen if I give in to that emotion? How would it feel to have a good old-fashioned temper tantrum and let it all “hang out” as we used to say in the 60’s? I know from sad experience that keeping emotions locked away inside of you can make you sick. That happened to me when my mom passed away. I ended up going to a grief counselor. It makes me wonder how much (if at all) my stored up emotions affect my overall well being.
I guess it’s time for me to have one of Julia Cameron’s Artist Dates at Starbucks where I can pitch a fit and anyone noticing me writing in a frenzy will just think I’ve had too much caffeine. 😉
Linda’s meditative thought yesterday over on Spiritual Dragonfly was, “I am fulfilled when I can be who I want to be.” After reading Janet’s post, that thought made me wonder if all this time what I’ve been chasing as I’ve been “spelunking in my cave” is just the freedom to be who I am. The freedom to express that side of my emotions without feeling like a three year old…
What about you? When you journal or blog or write somewhere else, do you allow yourself to express your anger? Do you just let ‘er rip and get it out of your system? Or do you gloss coat your words like I do?
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If you’re not familiar with them, please do take a minute and click on the Artist Date link to hear Julia Cameron explain what it is and why it’s good for you!
Picture Credits:
angry woman — vividlife.me
writing at Starbucks — tracy-says.tumblr.com
Soul Gifts said:
‘It makes me wonder how much (if at all) my stored up emotions affect my overall well being.’ Short answer – YES !! Long answer – YES! YES!! YES !!! If you sit on it , and keep on sitting on it, it will eventually implode or explode. Probably, no, strike that – always in a spectacularly (often)destructive way.
You mentioned the small things around the house. They build up to become GIANTS. Mine did. I exploded from sitting on my rage for far too long about the very thing. I felt abused, used, taken advantage of, not loved – you name it, it was in the lava that overflowed. I left home. Boy was that hard! For a WEEK. Left TRH and the kids. Packed an overnight bag when I left for work. Booked myself into a hotel for the week. Went to work every day as usual. Emailed TRH to let him know I had removed myself. And instructed him not to try to contact me or find me. I would be in touch every day by email. Which I was. I wrote a long letter to them. They all wrote back. We mended bridges. Came to new agreements. I spent the week doing some deep spelunking in my underground caverns. I was all kinds of nervous returning home.
That was many years ago now. Things got better. I haven’t imploded or exploded in such a spectacular manner since. Of course old habits sneak back in. ANd guess what – I don’t let it get to me anymore. As much. And if it starts to, I say something. And guess what else – the biggest culprit for backsliding ? TRH !
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calensariel said:
I’ve had friends tell me to pitch a fit or whatever it takes, but the older I get the less inclined I am to do that. When I was younger I was just too bloody busy! You were one brave mama!
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Soul Gifts said:
I let it go too far before taking back my own power. I don’t know that I would go down that path anymore. However, the week was like an intense private retreat for me so there was a lot of healing and learning that went on between me, myself and I 🙂
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calensariel said:
I envy you, girlfriend. 🙂
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Catherine said:
I do let it rip from time to time. It depends on how I’m feeling at the time. Case in point. I’m currently writing about our trip to France–so it’s pretty much about the travel. But with politics, gun laws–or rather lack thereof and the Duggar Family, I”ve gone to town on them. While I realize my language may be a bit crude, I find the rants to be more effective when I add humor. I’m going over to check out her blog now. I’m dying to read what she said.
Come on Lady C. Get your angry on!!!
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calensariel said:
Yeah, gonna have to try that! Catherine, I cut my teeth on your blog on one of your Duggar family posts. Thought I’d piddle down both legs. 😀 I LOVE your sense of humor mixed with cuss words! 😉
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spiritualdragonfly said:
Maybe some ‘writing down your soul’ is in order,,,just let the pen fly…..
I yell and cry on my strolls when I’m angry…..and leave it there…..when I’m on my social media and something angers or pisses me off…I’ve got a gnome that holds the sign REALLY that I use in place of my spewing angry words….
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calensariel said:
LOL! Well THAT’S and original idea! Maybe I should find me a really angry elf! 😀
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spiritualdragonfly said:
LOL……Grumpy may work!!!! 😄😄
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teamjacksonadventures said:
I love what loristrawn said above. I think women are always expected to act in a certain way. I think that’s why I am drawn to famous women in history who have broken the rules. I am a rule follower for the most part but have spent the last 30 years trying to break out! I say get your anger out- write it, share it and own it!!! 👍🏽
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calensariel said:
Next time I find myself along I’m going to give it a shot! I’m curious to see if it will make me feel uncomfortable. ❓
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loristrawn said:
Angry women are not well tolerated in our society, nor have they ever been. We need to learn how to own our anger without shame.
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calensariel said:
That is an excellent point. Even though there are many strong women in our culture now like in the work place, there’s still that free-floating idea of what a dainty, quiet, subservient woman should be. I think a lot of us women buy into it. Try to catch Janet’s blog. You’d love it.
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Colleen Keehne said:
I used to use my Spark blog for blowing off anger. Now not so much. Oh and just for the record GF….there is no such thing as “too much caffeine”. Hehehehehehe.
Luv Ya!
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calensariel said:
Why am I not surprised to hear you say that? Did you buy shares in Starbucks yet? 😉
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Opher said:
I feed off my anger. I am furious at the destruction of our planet and corporate greed that creates war, poverty, inequality, racism, sexism and cruelty. I shout a lot but what else can you do?
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calensariel said:
Hm… That begs the question, are you shouting in the wrong place where no one can hear you? Ever relish a 2nd career as a government official? 😉
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