Day 7 — Wilderness
The theme of “wilderness” is a faith subject I’m very familiar with. In 1980, on the verge of going to court to adopt our daughter Stefanie, we were unexpectedly hit with a financial reversal that could have had us packing Stef back off to India after her being with us for nearly a year. It was only by the grace of God that our court date for the adoption came one week before.
I know in my heart there was some kind of divine intervention on our behalf at that moment and was deeply grateful. But in the following eight months when we struggled and struggled to stay afloat as Drollery looked for another job, I began to question my faith. We had “played by the Book” (so to speak) all our married life, and now, after depleting what savings we had, it seemed we were doomed to take out bankruptcy. WHY would God do that to us?
Then it got worse. Drollery’s employer came BACK to him and said the CPA they had hired to replace him couldn’t do the job, would he consider coming back to work — for less than half the salary… I really thought we’d been thrown into a pit. And I became so angry with God I almost walked away from my faith.
That incident has left me in a constant state of flux where my faith is concerned. I feel as if I’ve been wandering mostly aimlessly for the past 25 years. The only thing that has keep me going is that every now and then a wellspring will bubble up on my journey to remind me that God is still there.
So while I’ve had a lot of desert experiences (as portrayed by the mountains in the background of this picture), I’ve also kept my eyes on the streams of grace that have flowed through my life. The faith struggles continue and the journey goes on, but I keep treading sand and fording streams. And I believe whole-heartedly that in order for our faith to grow, we have to grapple with what it means to live it out in our lives.
Wilderness is not a luxury
but a necessity of the human spirit.
Life is a wilderness of twists and turns,
where faith is your only compass.
Like a gentle rippling brook
whose flow is nearly indiscernible,
the current of God moves
through our lives
and carries us to
our next meeting with destiny,
its motion so subtle
that if we’re not attentive
we might mistake its direction
for choices of our own…
Picture Credit: www.treadlightly.org